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Theran Daily Blab Vol. 5 Issue 2


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Pg. 1 – Interview with Corinkorth

Before Corinkorth departed, the Theran Daily Blab was able to find him and convince him to do a quick, five-minute interview. What follows is the conversation as it actually happened! Completely unedited, completely true, this short interview should nevertheless provide us with great insight into the Arch-Strategos' life.

TDB: Thank you for agreeing to an interview, Viceroy. We know you're in a great hurry.

Corinkorth: Yes I am. Got a new job lined up!

TDB: Wow, that sounds exciting. Can you tell us more about it?

Corinkorth: I'm afraid the details are confidential. You know how Tribunal is. But I can tell you that it's better than that Marshall position I had.

TDB: Better? How so?

Corinkorth: Let me put it this way: it sucked.

TDB: Details please, Viceroy.

Corinkorth: First of all, the salary was too low. I don't care what people say, but zero coins per year does not feed an ogre.

TDB: Do go on.

Corinkorth: Second, the hours were terrible. You're up at the crack of dawn, and you don't stop working until the criminals go to sleep. And when to criminals sleep? Definitely not at night. Even when they do sleep, I was supposed to go find them. It was brutal.

TDB: But that all comes with the job, doesn't it?

Corinkorth: Sure sure, but the benefits were horrible too. No drug plan, so I had to pick my own herbs. No dental plan, so now I have rotten teeth. No daycare centre either. What if I wanted a family? Man, Tribunal is a tough place to work. And forget your love life. I met this nice chick in jail, right? She seemed nice, she had a nice body, she was funny, she was intelligent, you know, the whole package. But she stole bread from the bakery in the Tribunal Palace, so I had her executed on the Wheel of Justice. And I'm not into necrophilia, so... yeah.

TDB: Interesting.

Corinkorth: ...uh huh.

TDB: So... you get all these things with your new job?

Corinkorth: Naw. The only benefit I was able to negotiate for was weekly massages.

TDB: That's it? Just weekly massages?

Corinkorth: Well... they include happy endings.

TDB: Not bad at all. Arch-Strategos, we wish you luck.

Corinkorth: Thanks.

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Pg. 2 – Syndicate Financial

Got money? Want more money? Then you need Syndicate Financial. Unlike the greedy bastards at the Bank of Aabahran, our high interest rates help YOU earn gold! That's right, instead of you paying us to keep your money safe, we'll pay you to lend us your money. Syndicate Financial will use your gold and invest it in profitable organizations such as Halon Duck Company and Slate's Tattoo Parlor. "But Syndicate Financial, isn't that kind of risky? What is Halon Duck Co. goes out of business, will I lose my investment gold?" Not if you don't want to! You may choose from a wide range of risk levels and companies, ranging from GUARANTEED RETURNS (i.e. Aruncus' Gyvel Monopoly in Elderwood) to GOD-WILLING I'LL EARN ONE COIN (i.e. Hortenso's Oatmeal Restaurant in Winter). No matter what your comfort zone, you'll find a plan just for you at Syndicate Financial.

Think of your child's education. Who has the money to pay that 300 gold entrance fee? YOU WILL!

Think about your mother's dreams, shattered when she realized she was pregnant with you. YOU CAN MAKE HER DREAMS COME TRUE!

Think about your god's temple. See how crappy it is? YOU CAN DONATE GOLD TO REFURNISH IT!

Think about your own future. Are you prepared for retirement? If not, then you better hope you're undead OR YOU SAVED SOME MONEY WITH SYNDICATE FINANCIAL!

So choose Syndicate Financial. Because the Bank of Aabahran sucks bigtime.

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Pg. 3 – Legal Information

The Theran Daily Blab Vol 5. Issue 2. is brought to you by Gomanhor Corp. and its subdivisions: Gomanhor Beatings, Gomanhor Music Records, and Gomanhor Technologies.

The views and opinions found in this issue of the Theran Daily Blab are in no way an accurate representation of what truly happens in FL 4.0. Please have mercy on our forsaken souls. AKA Please keep your finger away from the slay/flame button.

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