Raargant

[Evangelion]

Brilliant writing, and props to you for it. You better post more.

[Pali]

Took a moment to read the story as well... very well written. Definitely hope to see more.

[Chromatic]

Agreed. I hope you've got the next section nearly finished.

[Raargant]

Thank you for the kind words. I actually have the first two chapters done, but am trying to keep the releases relatively evenly spaced out

[H&R]

I began to read it as well and I was glued to it all the way. A great and well-written prologue. Release chapter one now!

[TheNewGuy]

Hey, sounds like I gotta check it out. Good, then I got something to do while training...

[Chromatic]

Come on...you know you wanna give us chapter one.

[Raargant]

Alright alright, the story has been updated with chapter 1.

Chapter 2 will not come until next week though, at the earliest, while I polish the previous work and continue to write

Please remember to R&R instead of just R! (read and review, instead of just read)

[Raargant]

Gah, forgot italics did not transfer from Word to forum. Edited so it looks like how it should. These are all in raw, unedited form.

[Zrothum]

Very nice Raargant. A few spelling mistakes, etc. here and there. But all in all, very nice. A very interesting read.

Reminds me of an unfinished demon app I had started writing awhile ago.

[H&R]

I love it! Keep them coming

"A beautiful glow begin to light the dark skies, as morning drew closer and closer."

Should be "began". It's in the end where they first met as boys. Maybe there were more minor mistakes, I was just too lost in the story

[Zrothum]

Yea, minor mistakes here and there, as I already pointed out. But still, a very good story. Very easy to read and really get into.

[Raargant]

Okay, I lied.

I'm writing faster than I thought I would be. Chapter 2 is up.

Thanks for the pointing out of grammar/spelling mistakes; as I said, I am not editing this at all.

However, even more than that, I would appreciate comments (especially criticism, so long as its well-founded and politely put) on the story on a holistic POV as well. Pacing? Flow? What feels right, what feels off? What feels awkward, etc. etc. etc.

Thanks in advance!

[Mattamue]

Keep it coming!

[Raargant]

That's not a review/criticism! Grr!

[Mattamue]

Okay.

Not much of a critic or a grammar buff. I do know that the dash you used in the "No – alive, Radavast would have never let his sword be broken." right at the start of the #5 post is a little off. It's been a while since my comp classes, but I remember getting into it with a professor about this sort of notation. It's meant to represent some sudden change that you get into and get out of. I feel like your writing leans towards these sorts of blurbs and while it isn't bad or horrible or difficult to read it was the one thing that threw me off the story. You might benefit from some looking up about it. It's like am dash or.. two letters dash. Man, I'll just find it.

Em dash. It's longer. Alt+0151 "—" is what it is in arial at least.

Wow, so I read some more stuff about the whole dash thing and now I'm totally confused. I don't know if the dash is what's wrong with the phrase or what—the problem could be the reader's confused college memory—it could be, but it's awkward enough to make me think about it.

Good example?

Edit: Also, keep it coming. I could send the stripper dollars we talked about before if that would help.

[Raargant]

Em dash? En dash?

o.o

Will read up on those, thanks, and will watch my usage in the future.

Comments/criticisms about the storyline, flow, pacing etc. as well are especially welcome. Thanks!

And the story will keep coming If it plays out the way I envision it, it should come around to be novel length. Might try and get it published one day, which is why the R&R is so critical

[Evangelion]

If you're using MS word, two dashes together will create that longer dash (they'll automatically become one dash).

Also, there needs to be a space after you use an ellipses (...). I haven't been going through and reading for grammar, but I might do that later.

[Raargant]

Don't worry about grammar too much. I'll go through the editing process, but not until the thing's finished, thanks.

[corpsestomp]

I really like it, and looking forward to more.

[EyeSeeU]

*Speaks like Forest Gump* ... I'm not a very smart man, but I know what a good story is.

As far as editing and mistakes with grammar, I make too many myself. Therefore my editing skills or lack there of are invalid.

[corpsestomp]

The only thing I might say in criticism is don't be afraid to add in a bunch of 'boring' stuff. Room descriptions and people descriptions. I'm an avid believer in reading every word of a book, so I end up reading the three paragraphs about what a room looks like, and what people look like. I noticed there's not much of that in there.

[Raargant]

The only thing I might say in criticism is don't be afraid to add in a bunch of 'boring' stuff. Room descriptions and people descriptions. I'm an avid believer in reading every word of a book' date=' so I end up reading the three paragraphs about what a room looks like, and what people look like. I noticed there's not much of that in there.[/quote']

Hehe, I tend to skip a lot of the 'boring' stuff myself, which is why there isn't much in there. But I'll keep your words in mind, thanks.

Chapter 3 has been added.

[sarduarkar]

Other than the few sp/grammatical errors (which I am sure will be weeded out when editing the final story), it's very well written. I am already captivated by the story. The only problem is.... I can't read more when i'm itching to find out what happens next.

Look forward to more. Gives me something to read in my down time.

[sarduarkar]

Agree with Corpsestomp. The more detail the better (usually). Of course, you don't want to overdue it and make it into an incredibly slow paced, boring book. But a little detail and making the few lush details "add/enhance" each scene will make it all the more vivid.

When applicable: surrounding, weather, temperature, people, textures.

Some of these you already have pretty well done in your story. But just throwing it out there so you can keep them in mind as you continue.

Chilling icy wind, numbing. or Hot, humid, sweating. Noticing furniture or doorways, or exits as applicable to the character. For example, a thing a swordsman or warrior might note (because they can use it as an escape route? or use it in combat? or something that just catches their attention and is worth noting... like a beautiful bed). Whatever brings life and uniqueiness to a chars personality. Even the toughest of warriors have their likes and dislikes, and nuances.