Pali Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 You rock Raar. Time to start reading. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evangelion Posted December 10, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 It was a only a shelter of wood and stone, where we resided for a period of time, before we moved to a different one. If we would have shed blood and killed in order to protect Typo. “He is fully aware of his companion’s nature and alignment. I have no doubt that Shalenhan is trying to use him towards his own goals, but perhaps the Wolf is also using the Frost-Which-Kills as well.” Grammatical error. Those were the only things I could find wrong with it (though I was only reading, not proofing), although in my personal opinion, I think it would look better to have all the monks who are given names have "Brother" capitalized (IE- Brother Kuhai). Nonetheless, excellent work, as always. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 10, 2007 Report Share Posted December 10, 2007 Already fixed the second. Just killed the first. Thanks. Will play around with the fonting. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
H&R Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Great chapters! "We have had no news from outside ever since we arrived." How did they know/hear about Frost then, as they had been there for 54 years? Unless Frost is very old... =) I haven't mentioned much about your story, but I got to say that I really like the small things you do. For instance, you write "clip, clop" instead of "she stalks away" (or something). And "Frost was bored. 'I am bored', Frost said." Small things, I know. But keep them up! =) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 "We have had no news from outside ever since we arrived." How did they know/hear about Frost then' date=' as they had been there for 54 years? Unless Frost is very old... =)[/quote'] No comment Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattamue Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 He missing? Passing instead if you don't want to overuse he? “Brother Kuhai himself named you as his murderer, just before passed away!” Also, that's totally Vast. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 11, 2007 Report Share Posted December 11, 2007 Gah. Thanks for the catch. How the hell are all these slipping through? Maybe I should cut back on the sleep deprivation after all, jeeze. And interesting theory. Of course, I neither confirm nor deny. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Chapter 15 will be done relatively soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mattamue Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 My whet is appetited. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Chapter 15: The Shattered Pack is DONE and posted. As such the preview will be deleted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grishnak Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Damn good chapter! Just as Matheius was about to ask Lyria another question, an arm snaked around his shoulders, as well as that of hers. Matheius glanced to the right. Frost. He was still singing, and his other arm was around Lyria’s shoulders. That's a bit redundant. I really, really liked this chapter though. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 17, 2007 Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 Ah, ty for the comments and the catch. The 'as well as that of hers' has been baaaleted. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evangelion Posted December 17, 2007 Author Report Share Posted December 17, 2007 I'm not going to have time to read it til after work. I'll let you know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted December 20, 2007 Report Share Posted December 20, 2007 I need more. When can we expect an update? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 20, 2007 Report Share Posted December 20, 2007 Possibly over the weekend. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Questioner Posted December 20, 2007 Report Share Posted December 20, 2007 When I come back from Christmas break I expect the first of the series to be finished. I really enjoyed reading the lastest chapter. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 I need more. When can we expect an update? PS: Honest, genuine R&R is always a major plus for me. I'm not expecting (and don't want) praise; I prefer criticism, especially criticism of pacing, character development, plot development, or even just your own analysis/thoughts while reading. For example, what were places where you felt things were slow/boring? Which parts did you particularly like? Which parts did you read over slowly? Which parts did you just decide to skim through? Just a reminder to all of you lovely gents to R&R; that's why I'm posting, instead of working in silence! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wayward Knight Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Does it count as constructive criticism to tell a woman 'You are attractive, but you should probably shave.'? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Yes, but in this thread, it counts as spam. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wayward Knight Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 And many others, but only this one will get your hand slapped for it. I think you should print out your story once it's finished and try to get it published. There. I added my opinion about your writing. Is this still spam? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 Not fully. But it's not a review either. Let's drop it here. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Wayward Knight Posted December 21, 2007 Report Share Posted December 21, 2007 If you intend to make it a full novel of a book, I know some kind of publishing deal that costs about a hundred dollars to get your book on the order list of every major bookstore in America. That's really vague, but this was five years ago when I was thinking about publishing my novel and I really don't remember the details. I can go looking for it if your interest is piqued. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted December 23, 2007 Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 I hate to critique the work until its done and give it a re read knowing where it is supposed to go. much easier to catch things that way. i can though if you ask but it will cost you an email to j.lochmann@gmail.com and about one week. If you value my opinion enough that is. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted December 23, 2007 Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 I hate to critique the work until its done and give it a re read knowing where it is supposed to go. much easier to catch things that way. i can though if you ask but it will cost you an email to j.lochmann@gmail.com and about one week. If you value my opinion enough that is. Hrm...fair point, I suppose. Fair point. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The End Posted December 23, 2007 Report Share Posted December 23, 2007 Hrm...fair point' date=' I suppose. Fair point.[/quote']I would be happy to do it, though. I like to think I have a good eye. If not two. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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