Take Two

[Evangelion]

So I got an 80 on my last paper... which was pretty good considering the class average was a 62.

Here's the next one. This time the topic was the Bhagavad Gita. Again, I'm looking for comments on the content of the writing, not length, grammar, or the like.

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In an age of increasing civilization, as the Bronze Age progressed around it, India was mostly left to its own devices. Too massive to conquer and maintain, it was left out of the advancements that other countries experienced. Its economical, social, and political structures were all but backward, and for the most part was a land inhabited by numerous small, tribal settlements. However, with the coming of urbanization and the centralization of power in the nation, there came a centralization of religion as well. With the increasing focus of Vedic religion on society’s elite, and the rigid limitations of the caste system, many felt spiritually unfulfilled - with this, they turned to the ascetic mysticism that is Buddhist practice. In the third century, remaining Vedic religionists slowly turned to the increasingly popular ascetic path, at which time the Vedic religion slowly transformed into what is modernly known as Hinduism. Despite India’s religious pluralism at this point in its history, Hinduism would bear a monumental importance in all aspects of the country’s developing society - and the Bhagavad Gita is a testament to this growth.

Characterized by a sense of universality and oneness with all beings, the Bhagavad Gita (the Song of the Divine One) is an excerpt of the Mahabharata, a religious text. In this segment of the epic, Prince Arjuna is on the brink of battle at Kurukshetra. However, when he realizes that the enemy he is facing is his own flesh and blood, he becomes filled with doubt and reluctant to fight. As so many are apt to do in this age, he turns to the gods for guidance - Krishna (the Blessed Lord), in this specific case. “Death is certain for the born; for the dead, rebirth is certain. Since both cannot be avoided, you have no reason for your sorrow.”# councils Krishna. Arjuna seeks further guidance, and asks, “How would you describe the man whose wisdom is steadfast, Krishna? How does the wise man speak? How does he sit, stand, walk?” These questions allude to the path of enlightenment, which is the ultimate goal of Hinduism. In order to attain moksha, the release from samsara, or the cycles of reincarnation, Arjuna seeks the wisdom of the Blessed Lord. Only by seeing the truth can he obtain an understanding of self.

It is unclear how this mystic religion would affect the elite in a society. After all, one must ask how can wealth and earthly power affect the quest for nirvana? As Krishna states, “Physical sensations - cold and heat, pleasure and pain - are transient: they come and go; so bear them patiently, Arjuna.”# Unlike the Vedic religions, Hinduism does not, at least apparently, allow for a caste system. Instead, it is the quest for universality and harmony with all things. As a result, in such a deeply religious culture, it is hard to understand how politics and a hierarchical society even survived in India in that early age, and even in modern times.

Eventually, Krishna guides Arjuna as far along the path to nirvana as one can be drawn - he teaches the Pandavan prince the forms of Yoga, and teaches the five basic truths: Ishvara (the Supreme Being), Jiva (living beings), Prakti (matter), Karma (action), and Kala (time). In essence, Krishna’s teachings lead Arjuna to the ultimate understanding: that one’s material self is inconsequential, and only one’s actions can affect the immortal self. The Blessed Lord tells Arjuna that he must act without consideration of the results, because he cannot control them; and in doing so, he must also not be tempted to succumb to inaction. In this mindset of Karma, Krishna explains, “…the good deeds a man has done before defend him.”# Therefore, even though Karma is neither good nor bad - it simply is - one can incur good results by acting in a good or righteous manner. This extremely important belief is the basis for a fundamentally flawless society. These teachings would lead to a decrease in negative actions, because true believer would know that they would incur a karmic negative action upon their own immortal self.

And so, in conclusion, the Bhagavad Gita and the Mahabharata as a whole are some of the most important and influential teachings of Hinduism. Historically, it is not hard to see that religion was a large part of the early culture in India. As a result, it is not surprising that Hinduism’s growing prosperity in the third and second centuries led to the long-awaited evolution of a previously backward nation, in all aspects political, economic, and social.

[Raargant]

What was the prompt?

[Evangelion]

Same as last time. Read the Bhagavad Gita and analyze it in historical context.

[Raargant]

Some quick notes.

The Good: You have a proper topic/thesis this time, and the essay is structured like an essay.

The Bad: You still make far too sweeping arguments for papers of the length that your professor assigned you. A heavy part of your argument is that the Bhagavad Gita and Hinduism brought India out of 'backwardness' and into 'civilization'. That is a HUGE, sweeping claim to make, and I don't think anything short of a 20-30 page research paper would even begin to be able to make that argument and back it up.

Amongst other things, you would have to consider how exactly India was before Bhagavad Gita/Hinduism came about, the religions that existed before Hinduism and how they differed with Hinduism, and cite direct examples of how Hinduism changed India. This is a very, very broad argument that would require reams of evidence.

The Advice: Stick to something smaller. Instead of trying to portray the Bhagavad Gita as being the causation of Indian 'modernization' (very, very, VERY difficult to prove), simply write it by comparing how Hinduism and the Bhagavad Gita arose parallel to India's growing development and civilization, if that is indeed the case.

PS: I am still 'wtf' at your teacher assigning 700 word essays.

[Evangelion]

Brevity is the heart of wit, or hadn't you heard?

I wasn't so much saying that the Bhagavad Gita was at the heart of the change, but rather the conversion of Vedic religion to Hinduism began the change from a backward society to a modernized (for that time period) culture.

Although you're right, my statements are fairly generalized.

I'll let you know what he thinks of the draft.

[Raargant]

Brevity is the soul of wit, if that is the saying you are referring to. But I thought you were trying to write an essay, not to be witty.

[Evangelion]

I was paraphrasing, hence the lack of quotation marks.

[The Forsaken]

I could paraphrase your essay in one word too. It starts with a 'c', and ends with an 'rap'. I <3 you Balinor.

[Evangelion]

He said that it was still too much literary analysis, but at least I wouldn't have to do a complete rewrite this time. He also through out the first couple sentences of the introduction.

Here's what I'll be turning in.

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With the increasing focus of Vedic religion on society’s elite, and the rigid limitations of the caste system, the masses of early India felt spiritually unfulfilled - with this, they turned to the ascetic mysticism that is Buddhist practice. In the third century, remaining Vedic religionists slowly turned to the increasingly popular ascetic path, at which time the Vedic religion slowly transformed into what is modernly known as Hinduism. Despite India’s religious pluralism at this point in its history, Hinduism would bear a monumental importance in all aspects of the country’s developing society - and the Bhagavad Gita is a testament to this growth. Contrary to the nation’s once backward tendencies, the influence of Hinduism led to an increasingly complex social, political and economic culture.

Characterized by a sense of universality and oneness with all beings, the Bhagavad Gita (the Song of the Divine One) is an excerpt of the Mahabharata, an epic poem. In this segment of the epic, Prince Arjuna of Pandava is on the brink of battle at Kurukshetra. However, when he realizes that the enemy he is facing is his own flesh and blood, he becomes filled with doubt and reluctant to fight. As so many are apt to do in this age, he turns to the gods for guidance - Krishna (the Blessed Lord), in this specific case. “Death is certain for the born; for the dead, rebirth is certain. Since both cannot be avoided, you have no reason for your sorrow.”# councils Krishna. Krishna’s words echo with the truth of an age, for the practitioners of Hinduism and Buddhism alike acknowledge that life is transitory, and only one’s soul is eternal. Arjuna seeks further guidance, and asks, “How would you describe the man whose wisdom is steadfast, Krishna? How does the wise man speak? How does he sit, stand, walk?”# These questions allude to the path of enlightenment, which is the ultimate goal of Hinduism. In order to attain moksha, the release from samsara, or the cycles of reincarnation, Arjuna seeks the wisdom of the Blessed Lord. Only by seeing the truth can he obtain an understanding of self; and as a ruler, Arjuna must be seen as wise and powerful by his people. More importantly, he must find nirvana so that he may lead his people down the same path. This places a burden on the kings of early India, for if they are to lead their people to nirvana, they must first find it themselves.

It is unclear how this mystic religion would affect the elite in a society. After all, one must ask how can wealth and earthly power affect the quest for nirvana? As Krishna states, “Physical sensations - cold and heat, pleasure and pain - are transient: they come and go; so bear them patiently, Arjuna.”# These words would lead one to believe that there can be no mortal power greater than another, for if life is but an illusion, so must worldly power be. However, the Bhagavad Gita itself creates two castes: the demonic and the divine. Alluding to the lesser individuals of society, Krishna states, “The divine traits lead to freedom; the demonic, to suffering and bondage. But do not be concerned, Arjuna: the traits you have are divine.”# The impact this statement might have on society is colossal - for if a God dignifies the caste system with divine truth, then it must be the correct way of things.

In essence, Krishna’s teachings lead Arjuna to the ultimate understanding: that one’s material self is inconsequential, and only one’s actions can affect the immortal self. The Blessed Lord tells Arjuna that he must act without consideration of the results, because he cannot control them; and in doing so, he must also not be tempted to succumb to inaction. In this mindset of Karma, Krishna explains, “…the good deeds a man has done before defend him.” This extremely important belief is the basis for a fundamentally flawless society. Merchants would not cheat their patrons, for they might incur a karmic retribution in the next season, and suffer for their misdeeds. Soldiers would not terrorize citizens, with the knowledge that they might receive their just rewards in the future. In essence, the teachings of Karma in Hinduism and the Bhagavad Gita form the foundation for a fundamentally flawless society.

In conclusion, the Bhagavad Gita is possibly one of the most important, influential teachings of Hinduism - it is not hard to see that Hinduism played a major role in the evolution of a previously backward nation, in all aspects political, economic, and social.

[Zrothum]

One of my fav songs (may be offensive to some)

"The Bible is bull**** the Koran is a lie! The Bhagavad Gita did not fall from the sky! These are the books that were written by men! They've caused wars, now follow if you can."

[Raargant]

I was paraphrasing' date=' hence the lack of quotation marks.[/quote']

A paraphrase is a summary. Yours was the same length as the original quotation. Hence, it isn't a paraphrase, but a mistake.

I'll give your take two on the take two a once-over later.

[Evangelion]

par·a·phrase /ˈpærəˌfreɪz/ Pronunciation[par-uh-freyz]verb, -phrased, -phras·ing.

–noun

1. a restatement of a text or passage giving the meaning in another form, as for clearness; rewording.

2. the act or process of restating or rewording.

I reworded, and did not directly quote.

Therefore, I paraphrased.

Thank you for playing, though.

[Raargant]

par·a·phrase /ˈpærəˌfreɪz/ Pronunciation[par-uh-freyz]verb, -phrased, -phras·ing.

–noun

1. a restatement of a text or passage giving the meaning in another form, as for clearness; rewording.

2. the act or process of restating or rewording.

You neither reworded the structure of the text nor increased the clarity of the passage by changing one word. It was an error, flat out and simple.

Feel free to continue arguing with me on this though. You won't win, and it'll just take away time that I might have been otherwise using to critique your essay

[Evangelion]

The second definition is more relevant in this case - I reworded the saying.

[Raargant]

Making arguments based off secondary definitions in a free online dictionary rarely allows for a cogent point to be made. Not to mention, even within that, your argument fails, as the secondary definition is only a shortened verb form of the first for paraphrase, which has already included within it the caveat that said rewording is for purposes of clarity or giving it another form.

Neither of which your so-called 'paraphrasing' provided.

You know you misquoted a classic, I know you misquoted a classic, everyone else here knows you misquoted a classic. Sophistry, especially bad sophistry, won't change that, dear freshman.

[Mindflayer]

You know you misquoted a classic' date=' I know you misquoted a classic, everyone else here knows you misquoted a classic. Sophistry, especially [i']bad sophistry, won't change that, dear freshman.

My eyes are watering from that BURN

[Chayesh]

I seem to recall hearing the words "pseudo-intellectual wannabe college freshmen" somewhere before....hmmmm...

[Evangelion]

Lol. Taking a step back, I just saw myself get burned, and laughed.

So you win this time. *Shake fist*

Now get critiquing that essay - because I've got another one I'm going to post.

[Raargant]

Will do as soon as I get a few moments of free time later.