Your Morning Laugh

[Evangelion]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs. After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

-----------------------------------------------------------------

P: Left-inside main tire almost needs replacement.

S: Almost replaced left-inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.

S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.

S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.

S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.

S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.

S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.

S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.

S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.

S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.

S: Cat installed.

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget

pounding on something with a hammer.

S: Took hammer away from midget.

[Deykari]

Muahaha. I've seen this sort of thing in real life, having worked with ground crew at RAF bases. There's a lot of friction between the pilots and the ground crew/maintenance/development teams (at least on this side of the pond) because of unreasonable demands from pilots, so sarcasm runs rife.

Dey

[TheNewGuy]

Damn that was fun.

[H&R]

lol, yeah

[Dizz]

I love this kind of humor.

[J.Twendrist]

It's like the struggle of techies vs actors.

[inscribed]

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane but only a high school diploma to fix one. Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

Funny stuff, but I have to put this little comment to rest. As a mechanic, let me say that pilots in general are some of the most airheaded individuals I've ever met, college degree or not. Before flight, pilots are suppose to do a brief inspection of their plane, but more often than not they have no idea what they are suppose to be inspecting, or even why they need to inspect those items. More plane crashes are due to pilot error than mechanic error. Next time you fly, remember the mechanic had more to do with your safe landing than the pilot.

/F-15 crew chief.

//has a BA in mechanical engineering.

[Deykari]

+1 to that, Inscribed. I don't have a degree in mechanical engineering (yet), but having worked with pilots in a similar ground crew environment I can relate to that.

Dey