Why...

[Deykari]

is finishing somebody the hardest thing to do? I just made my girlfr... ex-girlfriend, rather, cry her eyes out and literally BEG for me to change my mind, and it took all the strength in the world to leave it. I feel like I am the biggest **** in the world at the minute, and was seriously considering just changing my mind and staying with her out of pure guilt and sympathy for me hurting her like that.

Dey

[Quigt]

Why did you want to break up with her?

[Deykari]

Trust issues. Her ex-boyfriend from way before me treat her like **** and cheated on her an awful lot, and that brushed off on me in the sense that she couldn't trust me. We almost broke up a while ago but I agreed to give her a chance because she promised we could work through it. Last night was the last straw, when I went kickboxing and she accused me of going to another girl's house.

I know deep down she means well but I just can't handle it anymore. I tried to make it an amicable break-up, and explain that I just don't think it's going to work, but I can't help but feel like a massive **** when she's crying and telling me how heartbroken she is.

Dey

[Imoutgoodbye]

Sorry, Dey.

Sometimes you just have to do what's right for you. I get the feeling if you stuck with it you'd just be miserable.

But if you do want to work things out, it's entirely possible. Sadly, it would probably require couples counseling and I don't know if it's worth it to you.

[Deykari]

Sorry, Dey.

Sometimes you just have to do what's right for you. I get the feeling if you stuck with it you'd just be miserable.

But if you do want to work things out, it's entirely possible. Sadly, it would probably require couples counseling and I don't know if it's worth it to you.

I wish things weren't like they are, but I've tried to put the effort in and I've just reached breaking point. I've had chance to think on it, and the comment in bold describes what I'm thinking at the minute.

I've now just booked a holiday away, trying to drown my sorrows in alcohol watered down with methylated spirits and promiscuous girls will do me good I am sure. I really don't think I am ready for a relationship...

Can ignore this thread, seems I just needed time to get my head around what I had just done.

Dey

EDIT: The methylated spirits thing was a joke by the way.

[inscribed]

so she tried to make you feel guilty about going kickboxing, and instead made you feel guilty about breaking up with her. don't play that game.

[Guest emp_newb]

Hey man, it all comes down to you. If you are finding yourself unhappy, or wanting more, then there is no need for it to be a long, drawn out process. We do not have enough time alive to have some of it spent coddling people who have let others warp them. Regardless of how much you care about someone, if they are starting to affect your personal life-style in a way you are not comfortable with, then do exactly as you did. She knows why you did it, so she can work on it. You will be happier after the initial feelings of guilt wear away. Sorry to hear about it.

P.S. - I do rock out with Jigglypuff.

[killalou]

It takes two people to make a relationship not one. Most people dont realize it but trust and communication make a major part of the relationship. If there is a problem with either one of these than the relationship will be that much difficult. That said, you shouldnt feel guilty if you explained to her the reason WHY the relationship is falling apart. In these situations honesty is always the best policy. Hope that helps.

~Your friendly neighborhood Ranger

[Ex-D&Der]

I think the question is, why do you feel guilty about leaving her?

[a-guitarist]

There's a reason they call them "girlfriends" and not "womanfriends". Because when you find one that acts like a Woman (read: adult), things just fall into place. I've never dated a woman, I've dated a few girls. (Women can say the same thing about boyfriends and manfriends)

The last one begged me for chance after chance. I gave them, and just became more miserable and miserable as she them back in my face. I blinded myself with what I thought was the fact the people change. All I've learned is that people don't change unless they absolutely have to, and that below the surface of everyone is not a deeper, more involved person, but instead... just more surface.

Every relationship needs work, and everyone lies and cheats in relationships. EVERYONE. Just to different degrees. She may cheat on you emotionally, you may cheat on her in some small way (a look at a woman that walks by that turns into a thought), you may lie to her about how much you drank or worked out, she may lie about this, that, or the other thing. The trick is finding someone whose **** you can deal with. One whose lying and cheating you can put up with, and hopefully, they can put up with yours.

a-g

[BigPapa]

Dey,

You need to do what you need to do. A girlfriend that doesnt trust you when you go out is going to be trouble, and the issues will never leave. I feel bad that she had an A**Hat for an ex, but she needs to get over that in counseling or whatever.

A girlfriend is a girlfriend, just a friend.

Getting married, once that happens you need to try and work it out because that's the commitment you signed up for. Until that time, you need to find a girl you adore, adores you and she gives you space to be you without being jealous....

Plus, a smooth fellow like yourself will undoubtable break many more hearts before you find your ONE. So, go easy on yourself this time..

[Pali]

Ick... I've been in pretty much the same situation. One of my girlfriends simply could not trust me when it came to my best friend (who also happened to be an ex). It sucked, but if your SO can't trust you, then there's no way you'll make things work out.

[Kyzarius]

If you love her you wont leave her because she has issues, you would help her to work out her issues. Aid her in identifying her problems and insecurities that are putting a strain on your relationship.

At least this is how my married mind thinks

[Imoutgoodbye]

If you love her you wont leave her because she has issues, you would help her to work out her issues. Aid her in identifying her problems and insecurities that are putting a strain on your relationship.

At least this is how my married mind thinks

Yes, but unlike us, Dey can run the other way still. Lucky bastard.

[Pali]

If you love her you wont leave her because she has issues, you would help her to work out her issues. Aid her in identifying her problems and insecurities that are putting a strain on your relationship.

At least this is how my married mind thinks

And as the majority of the United States population that has ever been married has found, not all problems and insecurities can be worked through.

[Quigt]

That sucks, man. But trust is a two-way machine, and you gotta give it to get it. I couldn't trust my last girlfriend because all she talked about was how hawt other guys were, and who she'd do and all that chat. Don't feel bad for doing what you felt like you had to do. If you didn't, that wouldn't have been fair to yourself, and you have to look out for you first.

[Mudder]

Last night was the last straw' date=' when I went kickboxing and she accused me of going to another girl's house.[/color']

Dey... There is the problem right there! Kickboxing!? Have you SEEN your own pictures? No one is going to believe a lie like that! You should've just said you went to a whore house in the red light district. Sheesh, learn to lie better.

[Deykari]

I think the question is' date=' why do you feel guilty about leaving her?[/quote']

She was crying her eyes out, begging me to get back with her. She called me last night, and did the same. She said she is absolutely heartbroken, and I feel guilty as hell (and like a massive ****) because she is feeling like that as a result of my decision. I know it's for the best in the long run for both of us - it'd make myself miserable staying in a relationship just for me, and it wouldn't be fair on her just to carry on as if I feel fine.

If you love her you wont leave her because she has issues, you would help her to work out her issues. Aid her in identifying her problems and insecurities that are putting a strain on your relationship.

At least this is how my married mind thinks

But there is a limit to how much you can take, love or no love. This problem was brought up before a few months back, and it brought us literally to breaking up and she asked me for another chance, told me why she was like she was, and said we could work through it. I agreed, because aside from the trust issues she is a great girl and I thought we could work through it too. Regardless of her claims, however, I know she doesn't trust me at all and it's reached that point where love or not, I just can't deal with it anymore. Here's a few examples:

- If I get called or sent a text message, she will ask who they are and why they are calling/texting me. Moreso like an interrogator would, not a curious girlfriend. She usually asks to see it too if it's a message.

- She looks at my phone inbox/outbox a lot if it's just lying around on the side, and has looked at my e-mail inbox/outbox too if left logged on. If my inbox/outbox has been deleted (due to being full or near full) she has immediately assumed I have been texting and e-mailing other girls and not wanting her to see, and it has caused a lot of arguments.

- She outright refuses to let me go on holiday/vacation/whatever you want to call it with my friends. She hates it when I go to the pub or on a night out too.

- If I get a text message and don't reply within about 10 minutes, I get a second message asking why I'm not replying. If I don't reply to that, I get a phone call. This happens an awful lot at work when I can't use my phone all the time.

- She constantly checks my facebook, and if I become friends on it with a girl (like someone I knew from school or whatever), out come the accusations.

It goes on. I don't want to sound like I'm ripping her, because she is a great girl aside from the trust problem.

I feel fine today. Relieved, too. It makes me wonder if I actually did love her, maybe I just thought I did.

Dey... There is the problem right there! Kickboxing!? Have you SEEN your own pictures? No one is going to believe a lie like that! You should've just said you went to a whore house in the red light district. Sheesh, learn to lie better.

Muhahaha! I should have said I've been to amateur bodybuilder classes and then when she says "What? You? Don't lie, look at the size of you!" I could just say, "Yeah, that's where the amateur part comes in..".

Dey

[Ex-D&Der]

She was crying her eyes out' date=' begging me to get back with her. She called me last night, and did the same. She said she is absolutely heartbroken, and I feel guilty as hell (and like a massive ****) because she is feeling like that as a result of my decision. I know it's for the best in the long run for both of us - it'd make myself miserable staying in a relationship just for me, and it wouldn't be fair on her just to carry on as if I feel fine.[/quote']

If you only feel guilty because it's a person crying because of something you did, then it doesn't sound like a good reason to stay in the relationship. If you feel guilty because you think you should do more to help her trust you, then that would be a more serious consideration.

[Deykari]

Yeah, pretty much what I figured.

Ah well, haven't played in a couple weeks or so, so I suppose I'll throw myself into some gametime.

Dey