The Socializing with Co-workers blues

[killalou]

Okay I have a problem and Im wondering if there are any people experience this or some HR people that could help me. I recently took a new job position in a technical field and after two weeks the biggest problem I have is relating/socializing with my coworkers. I am at lost on what to say when I want to engage in a conversation. These co-workers are typically in the mid to late 30's while im 23... From what I've seen so far they typically like to talk/complain about work, spouses, kids, or other things. I guess its hard for me to find a common interest with them. I have no spouse, kids, and I cant really complain about work since im gaining some very good exp. at the moment

*Sigh* Anyone been in my shoes?

[KRins]

The ties that bind at work are dependant on the sex of your coworker, sports for men and basically everything else for women. In all seriousness, keep your nose to the grindstone until you catch a snippet of conversation you can contribute to or you can invite some of your coworkers (I suggest the closest to your desk or work area) to join you for lunch or coffee. They will generally invite their friends at work so they have someone they are comfortable talking to. Then once they start chatting with their pal, pick your spot and lead with a rather vanilla statement. It just isn't safe to be even moderately racy with your comment, even if they are. Oh, and comedy is the universal solvent for social walls...just no religious, racial, or potty humor for your own sake. Then there is the infamous "fake ignorance of something in the work place, ask someone for help and strike up a conversation as they help you out". The danger is they might bitch you are asking them to take out time from their work or they might spread the word you are "incompetent" even though this was a well-crafted ploy by your MUD pals.

[Quigt]

Just go along with it.

"Man, the kids are blah blah blah."

"I know what you mean, dude. All seven of mine are a huge hassle."

[killalou]

Ive been basically doing what KRINS has suggested all this time. I buy my time until I can contribute to what it being said. They also ask me out to lunch everyday but that is starting to get costly for someone who lives by each dime...lol

[Imoutgoodbye]

Meh...I don't socialize with my co-workers. Most of them think I'm a stuck-up ******* anyways.

Your best bet is to keep a friendly attitude, let them invite you into a conversation, and if lunch is expensive, politely decline and say you have other plans.

Everything's easier when they're just your co-workers. More drones. Most people aren't worth noticing or knowing and the ones that are will make themselves known. If you change your mind about them later, it's because there's some trait that's less trait and more flaw.

This is just something you'll have to work out mostly on your own. You've got the basics. Just expand upon it.

[a-guitarist]

How much do you want your personal and professional lives separate? If you would like to bridge the gap and make coworkers personal friends... see if they are part of any clubs/sports leagues. That way, you can join and then have common ground. Also, if you want to fit in with the office crew, find out what shows they talk about on a daily basis, and get involved with them.

I always found offices and workplaces to be a lot like the dating world. You want to be liked, you want to fit in, and you want to end up better off when you leave than when you went in (quasi euphemism there). So think of it like dating.... and instead of a kiss or close goodnight, you get a big, fat money sho-.... paycheck.

Want to get on the women's good graces? If you're single, mention that you've been having bad luck with the dating scene and see if they've any advice to give you. If I've learned anything about Women in their 30's, they are FULL of decent advice on how a guy should get a woman.

Bitch about gas, bitch about a universasl constant, say how it's biting into your extra cash, and say, "Because of these damned four dollar and twenty cents a gallon gas fill ups, I have to start bringing my lunch to work! But, I guess it's better that way, I'm saving money and eating healthy!" What you've done here? Maybe gotten them to realize they can save money and they'll join you. Or.... they'll say, "Hey, Kill, let me treat you to lunch today! You're a nice internet personality!"

However, if you're like me, you don't want to be friends with coworkers. You want to be professional, get the damn job done, and do it to the best of your ability. I keep my head down, I shut up, and I do my work. I'm sociable, but I don't speak unless spoken too... unless it's imperative to something work related. However, I do make great friend's with my bosses, which always bails me out later.

a-g

[Tantangel]

I'm generally very shy when it comes to meeting new people so when I first started working where I'm at right now, I opened up fairly quickly and talked to the few people I worked with all the time and then it expanded out to everyone else. A good way to feel their sense of humor is ask them if they're offended by anything. If they are, tell them they're no fun and that your jokes are meant for them in a jokingly manner and they might just want to hear them anyways. I tend to have racy jokes that would offend many people, but I usually can read people and know what they're into before they even do. I wouldn't say to go off and use crude humor in front of anyone over 60 because generally that's about the age anymore where people start getting all offended at the slightest stupid thing and I'm highly offended by people who get offended easily and stupid people (the two tend to tie together almost 9 of 10 times). General thing to do is just be yourself, if they don't like you for being you, well then they can go to hell.

[Pali]

At 18 I was working in a pharmacy with three pharmacists, who were all 40+ men, and 3 techs, who were 30-50 year old women, so I kind of know the experience... *shrugs* Never really had trouble socializing with any, though... conversations would start around a work topic and drift from there.

[Iusedtobesomebody]

One sure-fire way:

Smoke breaks.

[goldbond]

you should probably start playing FL in your cubicle. tell your boss about it and make him roll a druid and show him where all the 1337 equipment is

[The End]

ask if they have any hot daughters, and then boink said daughters. If they say no, you ask if they have any wonderful places around the house to set hidden cameras.

:-D

[KRins]

ask if they have any hot daughters, and then boink said daughters. If they say no, you ask if they have any wonderful places around the house to set hidden cameras.

:-D

You get fired a lot huh?

[The End]

You get fired a lot huh?

You say it in a joking manner, and then actually do it. It was outside of work, and therefore you can't get fired for it. Unless you live in a right to work state, in which case you simply do above without asking.

I run my own store, I am my own boss. No one to fire me but me, and me and me get along great. I have the hidden cameras up and EVERYTHING.

But seriously....get some digits for those hot daughters AND her friends. :-D Ask if you can come over and spend the night to get to know them better. HAHAHA

[KRins]

Where is your store? I want to make sure never to go there. I hope you don't have hidden cameras anywhere illegal...

[Imoutgoodbye]

Where is your store? I want to make sure never to go there. I hope you don't have hidden cameras anywhere illegal...

He has them in the men's room. There's nothing he likes more.

[The End]

Houston, Texas. And no.

Or Yes?

[KRins]

Right continue to avoid Texas, check!

[WarriorCleric]

I know what you mean, I spent a lot of time working with people of wide age ranges and it's difficult for me, basically all I do is a 'Hey, what's going on?' and dig with whatever bone is thrown my way. It's sorta pointless nonsense about work mostly, but every once and a while they'll bitch about something else and that's the bridge.

Mostly I like to keep friends out of my work, and work away from my friends, but a kosher work environment is always better than quiet uncomfortable.

WC

[J.Twendrist]

My last job was working as a mechanic for a bowling ally. I was always in the back so I never really had to deal with anyone besides my boss, who was a bad @ss. I got paid to sit back, watch the machines, do any work that was needed (not a whole lot because I was in training, so it was mostly my job to make sure things didn't f**k themselves up), and uh, oh yeah, read Steven King all day. Best job ever.

[Deykari]

My current immediate co-workers (the ones working near me) I don't get on with bar one or two. They're up their own arse and I can't stand that, and we've had more than a few heated arguments over disagreements. We're all aware we don't particularly like each other but have to be civil for the sake of employment (which ends for me ends this week).

A few of my co-workers from previous departments I get on incredibly well with. I see them out of work and I've even been on holiday with them for a couple weeks.

A "Good weekend?" on a Monday morning can be enough to get talking about something and that sort of small talk would suffice if you want a polite working relationship. Otherwise gauge their interests and the sort of conversation they react positively to and chip in now and again.

Dey