Character Desc Help: What's viewed as noteworthy?

[Vech24]

Hello folks,

As many could guess I am new to the FL MUD and forums and am enjoying my time here thus far. Something I've been having trouble with is creating noteworthy character descriptions that others of the game seem so adept at. I've already written some quick descriptions that were met with approval but, I'm hoping to go beyond these "light brushed" attempts.

I'm aware of some basic description no-no's (forcing/assumed actions and emotions) but could really use some help in pulling together a tight description.

I'm really trying to find a solid character concept/description to help me get into the RP immersion of the game and was wondering if the vet community wouldn't mind posting some examples of character descriptions that were viewed as exceptional by the IMM staff.

Any help would be appreciated as I'm really wanting to find a character concept that draws me in deeper. Thanks!

[Celerity]

Here are a few of my descs that were rewarded with dragons (please ignore the problems with spaces!):

Elf:

A waggish rogue of a man is here. From the pointed ears, almond eyes, and ethereal countenance this one is definitely some kind of an elf. His eyes are hazel, a myriad of light and dark colors that shift slightly depending on the lighting. The hair is dark yet not quite black. It is cut haphazardly short and is somewhat matted as if it had been pressed down by something. His features are chiseled and angular, as are most elves. Despite these somewhat upscale trademarks, he has an uncannily mischievous look about him. This might be due to the amount of light grub on his body and overall dirty appearance combined with a relaxed pose and easy smile. The odd assortment of items strapped to his body continues on to mark him as anything but classy. Small bags, an over-abundance of straps, mismatched pieces of cloth and light armor are just a few of the things precariously attached to this man. He even has strange, wire-thin pieces of some kind of metal popping out from beneath his sleeves. Beneath it all, there are probably some more dangerous tools hidden. He certainly looks unscrupulous for an elf, if not altogether amiable.

Fire Giant:

This beast of a man towers a full three and a half meters high.  The

charcoal skin and immense size reveal that this beast is probably some kind

of fire giant.  Despite his obvious heritage, this giant has the countenance

of a trained and disciplined soldier.  Sprawled over his monstrous back is a

scarlet cloak that may have been at one time quite magnificent.  The

heraldry on it is unfamiliar, probably some obscure clan's symbol.  These

days, it is marred with grub and stained with blood, not all of it red.  The

edges are frayed and bits of it have been completely torn off.  It looks

that there haven't been any serious attempts to mend the cloth.


The cloak covers some light leather jerkin, which is also in a state of

moderate disrepair.  Below that, he wears heavy metal greaves, limiting his

flexibility and mobility on foot.  However, such greaves are a hallmark of

those who fight as members of a cavalry, which only adds to his growing

image of a professional fighter.  There is no armor upon his head, however

he is marked with some strange runes.  Upon closer inspection, the runes

seem to be an intricate design of scars that lace his face and continue down

his neck.  They have been burned white and starkly contrast his dark skin. 

It is not immediately apparent if those runes are magical in nature or

simply stylistic.  


His eyes are bright and hazel, a shining myriad of flowing colors.  They

look very unusual on a man such as him.  Likewise, his earlobes are severely

elongated, stretching almost to the point of his chin.  Dangling from them

are several heavy pieces of some white material, perhaps bone.  His teeth

are chipped yet clean.  From his size and strength, he probably eats a lot

of raw meat.  That would at least explain his odor.  Despite this, he seems

wholeheartedly content with himself.  While not altogether spectacular, this

man does present a strong image.  

Dwarf:

Sun scarred skin is the hallmark of this dwarf.  That skin is burned

almost to a state of leatherness, and hangs surprisingly loosely from his

jaunted features.  Bearing cheekbones worthy of an elf, the tissue

surrounding those bones is thick nonetheless.  Ritually- tied clumps of hair

rest just above his dangerously jutting brow and connects with his fully

dwarven beard that is similarly tied.  Right beneath that brow rest a pair

of bright, searching eyes.  Lacking the clouds of youthful carelessness and

aged disdain, those deeply brown eyes nevertheless shine with the audacity

of both.  


His movements are done with indignation.  Steps are taken heavily

and forcefully, yet are also slow and done with a degree of calculation. 

Because of this, the air around him seems bent with a sort of resentment

towards something.  Despite his rugged, unkempt appearance, it does look as

though this dwarf was brought up in a well-to-do environment and he has

distinctive educated mannerisms to him.  Likewise, his posture and muscle

distribution speak strongly of formal martial training.  Despite

overexposure to the sun, this fairly young dwarf doesn't seem to have any

outstanding scars or markings.

Gnome:

A young gnome is here, looking to be little more than a boy.  He is of

small stock, perhaps half the shoulder-width of a regular dwarf.  That extra

length seems to have been invested in his hands and ears though, both pairs

being unusually slender and long.  Short, straight black hair attempts to

cover those little abominations on the sides of his head but fails

miserably, the hair resting in an awkward horizontal position.  Overall, his

hair looks to be the scene of a chaotic battle.  It has the consistency of

having been smoothed down many times; however, it is rebelling in every

which way, jutting out in sheer defiance of all gnomish normality. 


Unaware of the turmoil above it, his face has the unique appearance of

being both chiseled and clueless.  He naturally tends towards a sheepish

expression, and when that expression is combined with his disarrayed hair

and oddly angular features, it creates a look of a man not entirely in

control of his body.  His posture doesn't help things.  Instead of being

slightly hunched like any other demihuman, his back is almost curved in the

other direction.  His sternum is pushed out and his arms hang slightly

behind his torso, due to lax shoulders.  If he had a pot belly, the effect

would be comical.  However, he is as of yet quite skinny and it looks almost

pitiful.

[Celerity]

double post...

[Guest emp_newb]

I have written several descs that I really enjoyed, and it all started with me creating a mental picture of my character. Everything about them.

Few more examples:

duergar

A dark cowl covers the head of this squat, stout creature. A beard 

streaked in gray flows from under the hood down past this duergar's 

waist. The yellowed pauldrons upon his shoulders are caked with grime,

and weathered. The symbol etched into them is all but gone. Across his

chest hangs a chain, clasped with an intricate pendant of a male lion

head. The clasp rests just below his right collarbone. The chain holds

in place what must have once been a truly regal mantle, though now the

elements are all it has been subject to. The elegant purple cloth is 

tattered, and torn in many places. The hem upon the edge of the cloth

has all but disappeared, yet the duergar dons it as if it had been 

crafted this morning. The chain suit he wears is rusted, and poorly

kept. Many links have broken, or been pierced, showing his dark skin

beneath the armors nearly ineffective links. Upon his right hand he 

wears an ring upon his thumb. The ring was forged for someone far 

larger than it's current owner, yet he holds his hand out delicately

as if to display the ring for all to see. The ring is a simple gold 

band, with a large star ruby set into it. The stone has been polished

thoroughly. Perhaps even magically protected, seeing as shows no sign 

of the abuse the rest of his trappings have seen. Encircled about his 

waist is a worn leather belt. It does not fully cover his waist, and 

is completed with a section from another belt that has been poorly 

stitched together. His legs are half naked, as he only wears a set of

severely rusted iron greaves. No leggings, or breeches cover his dark

skin, leaving them to face the hazards of travel unarmored. He wears 

a red leather boot about his left foot. His right foot is bare. The 

thick hair upon his foot is knotted with all manner of dirt, and 

filth.

Elf paladin

A full mask of glinting mithril covers the face of this slender figure 

before you. The mask covers his face completely, and attatches to his 

helm seamlessly. It is as if his face was locked beneath this piece of 

armor. The visage of the mask is a perfect likeness of a male elf. The 

face is sculpted with an air of royalty. The chin sharply contrasting 

against the gentle contour of the eyes, and cheekbones. A single tear

is set into the corner of his right eye.


About his neck is a leather strap, with what appears to be a simple 

ingot of unworked metal attatched to it. The necklace fits rather snug

against his tan skin. His neck is guarded from the right by a arched 

plate of metal that is crafted into the sleeve of armor adorning his

entire right arm. The armor is akin to platemail armor, though is made

up of many tiny plates. Each plate covers the one below it perfectly. 

Not an inch of his flesh can be seen upon his right arm. A strap of

leather goes from the shoulder piece, across his chest, and then down

to his left side to a padded leather plate that secures the piece to 

his body. His torso is rather lightly armed, only a simple shirt of 

chain covers his slender torso. His left arm is free of any armor. 

His arm is deeply tanned, and well muscled. His hand rests lightly on

an odd handle at his side. In an open scabbard is the handle, and 

hilt of massive caliber. Though that is all they are. The handle is

free of any type of blade. The handle itself is perhaps half the 

length of this elf's arm, and is as thick as the haft of any spear. 

Capped with a roughly polished globe of steel, roughly the size of a 

large apple.

[Guest emp_newb]

I have written several descs that I really enjoyed, and it all started with me creating a mental picture of my character. Everything about them.

Few more examples:

duergar

A dark cowl covers the head of this squat, stout creature. A beard 

streaked in gray flows from under the hood down past this duergar's 

waist. The yellowed pauldrons upon his shoulders are caked with grime,

and weathered. The symbol etched into them is all but gone. Across his

chest hangs a chain, clasped with an intricate pendant of a male lion

head. The clasp rests just below his right collarbone. The chain holds

in place what must have once been a truly regal mantle, though now the

elements are all it has been subject to. The elegant purple cloth is 

tattered, and torn in many places. The hem upon the edge of the cloth

has all but disappeared, yet the duergar dons it as if it had been 

crafted this morning. The chain suit he wears is rusted, and poorly

kept. Many links have broken, or been pierced, showing his dark skin

beneath the armors nearly ineffective links. Upon his right hand he 

wears an ring upon his thumb. The ring was forged for someone far 

larger than it's current owner, yet he holds his hand out delicately

as if to display the ring for all to see. The ring is a simple gold 

band, with a large star ruby set into it. The stone has been polished

thoroughly. Perhaps even magically protected, seeing as shows no sign 

of the abuse the rest of his trappings have seen. Encircled about his 

waist is a worn leather belt. It does not fully cover his waist, and 

is completed with a section from another belt that has been poorly 

stitched together. His legs are half naked, as he only wears a set of

severely rusted iron greaves. No leggings, or breeches cover his dark

skin, leaving them to face the hazards of travel unarmored. He wears 

a red leather boot about his left foot. His right foot is bare. The 

thick hair upon his foot is knotted with all manner of dirt, and 

filth.

Elf paladin

A full mask of glinting mithril covers the face of this slender figure 

before you. The mask covers his face completely, and attatches to his 

helm seamlessly. It is as if his face was locked beneath this piece of 

armor. The visage of the mask is a perfect likeness of a male elf. The 

face is sculpted with an air of royalty. The chin sharply contrasting 

against the gentle contour of the eyes, and cheekbones. A single tear

is set into the corner of his right eye.


About his neck is a leather strap, with what appears to be a simple 

ingot of unworked metal attatched to it. The necklace fits rather snug

against his tan skin. His neck is guarded from the right by a arched 

plate of metal that is crafted into the sleeve of armor adorning his

entire right arm. The armor is akin to platemail armor, though is made

up of many tiny plates. Each plate covers the one below it perfectly. 

Not an inch of his flesh can be seen upon his right arm. A strap of

leather goes from the shoulder piece, across his chest, and then down

to his left side to a padded leather plate that secures the piece to 

his body. His torso is rather lightly armed, only a simple shirt of 

chain covers his slender torso. His left arm is free of any armor. 

His arm is deeply tanned, and well muscled. His hand rests lightly on

an odd handle at his side. In an open scabbard is the handle, and 

hilt of massive caliber. Though that is all they are. The handle is

free of any type of blade. The handle itself is perhaps half the 

length of this elf's arm, and is as thick as the haft of any spear. 

Capped with a roughly polished globe of steel, roughly the size of a 

large apple.

[ladyoki]

Minotaur

Before you is a woman-like humanoid with bull like head. Small

horns stick out from the side of her head curling upwards,

covered in dried blood. Long black messy hair falls down

from her head, reaching past her broad shoulders. She has two

small braids that frame her face, tied at the end with a small

leather strap keeping it from becoming undone. Extending from her

face is a short fat muzzle, giving her more of an appearance of a

horse. Running along the side of her face is a small tuft of hair,

that is kept neatly trimmed and runs down towards her upper chest.

Her mouth is at thick gap that spans the length of her muzzle and

wraps around the end. Dressed in a small sleeveless top that covers

little, allowing her tight abs to be visible for all to see. Though

perhaps it would be better if she covered up a bit more of her

large hairy utters. Covering her lower half is a loin cloth that

reaches above her knees, showing off her legs with bulging muscles.

She wears nothing on her hove-like feet, that are chipping around

the front. Long scars run the length her muscular arms. Around her

wrist she wears leather band that has a bull shape burn mark on it.

On her right leg, She has a small dagger strapped tightly around

her right leg.

Alright there is a few mistakes and I'm too lazy to fix them.

[Twinblades713]

Here's a really helpful hint. Use action verbs instead of linking verbs. Try to use the forms of the verbs "is" and "be"very rarely, and you'll find your description comes more to life. When I get home to my desktop, I'll post a few of my descriptions.

[f0xx]

Twinblades713's advice is a good one.

[Nightmare_from_hell]

Here is one from my most recent character, Nethanar, a Faerie which got a dragon:

Before you are two majestically sparkling blue and orange translucent

wings serving as a background to a miniscule, human-like form.  The bottom

of the wings are a sky blue sparkle amongst the clear, thinly-stretched,

translucent wing between tendons seperating various polygonal shapes.  The

color fades into a brilliant orange as the wings spread majestically up

towards the sky, with a large black bulb of tendon endings to tip each wing.



The body of the form is like a small dot amongst it's rather large wings,

though it's blonde hair, streaked with strands of red color, is trimmed

neatly atop it's head.  Two big brown eyes poke out from an ashen pale face

like two brown saucers placed atop a white tablecloth.  It's nose barely

protrudes from it's round head and it's lips are a light pink hue like that

of a tulip.  It's neck flows down from it's head to a puny, seemingly frail

body.  It's arms are no thicker than a weed stalk and it's legs are all too

similar.  The feet of this diminutive being are no bigger than the tip of a

pen.

[Twinblades713]

Slap my wrists I've used this one three times. Got dragons all three times.

Before you stands a tall figure, his stature immediately demanding

respect from all viewers. His dark, ominous skin veils him in an almost

eternal shadow. His countenance destroys any possibility of friendliness

that he might possess. He looks around or away only when deemed necessary

and his gaze is rarely stolen by anything not of grand significance. His

legs stand long and straight and his arms almost always remain folded in

less than accepting manner.

At a closer look, if such can be attained, his eyes seem to glow a slightly

incandescent red, cradled by his high cheekbones. His black, straight hair

gleams with streaks of silver and wraps around the back of his head,

holding a perfectly disciplined knot held together by a small golden

medallion of intricate design. This piece does not move and watches its

surroundings with a perusing eye. His nose shows no signs of ill-repair,

but its crookedness gives away its history of breakage. His eyebrows,

likewise, give the same lack of information regarding his thoughts or

tendencies. His chin is narrow and pointed, and no hair mars the complete

smoothness of his entire face. His ears perch quietly at the sides of his

head, small and inconspicuous. On the left dangles an earring in the shape

of a crescent that twists and sways with the slightest movement, but it

emanates no sound. His torso bears a black chestplate lined with silver

trim, that aids his ability to remain concealed. Several loops and straps

of a dark leathery material adorn the sides of his ribcage, holding the

armor snug. His shoulders hold the chestpiece up, effortlessly and squarely.

They flow into bulging, muscular limbs, tense wrists and gnarled knuckles.

These knuckles define his hands absorbing most of the attention, for they

jut out rigidly, catching the eye.

Each hilt gleams with a golden hue and the intricate designs on it pulse a

deep, thick red. His bulky, powerful thighs fit the rest of his body,

seeming more than apt to hold it up. A swirling cascade of thin black

material rounds his legs, leaving room for breathing but not so loose as

to weigh him down. His shoes fit like slippers and, as the same substance

as the rest of his enshadowing clothing, make little sound.

See here, I almost never use is/was/are/be words. Everything is existing with movement, but still a picture. Nothing is static. Here's an example:

On her face is a thin shawl. -Okay

A thin shawl covers her face. -Much better.

[Vech24]

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback as it really helped me in fleshing out a description.

I submitted a approval request, and while it was deemed sufficient, it unfortunately was not deemed noteworthy. I'm curious though, is there a way to improve upon a approved description in hopes that it could later be re-reviewed?

[Guest emp_newb]

Thank you all for the wonderful feedback as it really helped me in fleshing out a description.

I submitted a approval request, and while it was deemed sufficient, it unfortunately was not deemed noteworthy. I'm curious though, is there a way to improve upon a approved description in hopes that it could later be re-reviewed?

Well I will tell you right now, writing descs with the soul purpose of trying for a reward is UTTERLY futile. The best descs are always when you see a character in your mind, and you can close your eyes and REALLY see them. Write EXACTLY what you see, watch your paragraphs, and watch your spelling/punctuation. Those are always the best descs.

[Twinblades713]

Agreed. There's two parts to writing descs. Being able to write, with grammar, spelling, handling flow, etc, and being creative. The creativity part can be difficult if you're trying to produce perfection, but if you write as you see yourself and how you will act and react with the environment, I think you will tend to have more luck.

[Nightmare_from_hell]

How can you know if someones shoes are noisy or quiet by looking at them?

That must be some sort of skill right there!

Another thing, I always try to avoid starting descs with "Before you stands..." Since you are not -always- standing, you could be sitting, sleeping, flying, etc.

[Twinblades713]

It's better than "Here is a human...", and it sets up the picture for the reader so that if they wish to imagine him sitting or laying down, they can easily do that. The way I see it is if someone is looking at my character in central commons for awhile, this is what they'll find. I don't tell a story, or include events, but I don't want my character to be two dimensional. If you can add those static details of sound and short movement, you can still keep a picture, but it is a bit more vibrant. Think about a REAL picture. With that, you don't learn who the person is at all even by a glance. You don't even get to see the whole person! (Usually the back of their head and body) You wouldn't notice all the little strappings, the little earrings, the little twitch the guy has, with a real picture. We can write them, making them much more vivid. I wouldn't want to limit myself so much.

[HouselessRogue]

An timeless technique to writing:

Brainstorm and get the idea in your head. Sit down and write it quickly without thinking about it too much. Walk away. When you come back it will have past from your mind a bit and you can really see your errors or changes to be made. Rework it into a final draft.

The other advice sounds solid.

[Nightmare_from_hell]

It's better than "Here is a human..."

Don't start it like that even.

"Long flowing raven-black hair cascades down the back of this rather diminutive human."

Go directly into the description. We all have our ways of doing it, all which serve the purpose right? I'd say judging by the above desc's, most of us can knock out a fine desc quite quickly.