Imoutgoodbye Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down? I don't know, it's never happened. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor. Why do little boys whine? They're practicing to be men. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Why don't women blink during sex? They don't have enough time. A Few Short Stories One day a woman's housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" His wife responded, "What does it say on you shirt?" The husband replied, "The University of Michigan." A couple was lying in bed one night and the man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." To which the woman replied, "I'll miss you." A husband asked his wife, "What have you been doing with the grocery money I've been giving you?" The wife said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror." A few more jokes! Why is divorce so expensive? It's worth it. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. What's the difference between a new dog and a new husband? After a year, the dog's still excited to see you. Why is it so hard for a woman to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking? Those men already have boyfriends. What do you call a woman who know where husband is every night? A widow. Why are married women heavier than single women? A single woman comes home, sees what's in the fridge, and goes to bed. A married woman comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the fridge. And one for the guys.... A woman pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it's running smoothly. She asks, "So, what's the story?" The mechanic shrugs and says, "Crap in the carburetor," to which the woman replies, "How often do I have to do that?" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iconz Posted June 14, 2009 Report Share Posted June 14, 2009 __________________ Iconz - Loves the classics.. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorCleric Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 How many men does it take to put a toilet seat down? I don't know, it's never happened. What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man? A rumor. Why do little boys whine? They're practicing to be men. Why were men given larger brains than dogs? So they won't hump women's legs at cocktail parties. What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough. Why don't women blink during sex? They don't have enough time. A Few Short Stories One day a woman's housework challenged husband decided to wash his sweatshirt. Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room he shouted to his wife, "What setting do I use on the washing machine?" His wife responded, "What does it say on you shirt?" The husband replied, "The University of Michigan." A couple was lying in bed one night and the man says, "I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world." To which the woman replied, "I'll miss you." A husband asked his wife, "What have you been doing with the grocery money I've been giving you?" The wife said, "Turn sideways and look in the mirror." A few more jokes! Why is divorce so expensive? It's worth it. Why do men want to marry virgins? They can't stand criticism. What's the difference between a new dog and a new husband? After a year, the dog's still excited to see you. Why is it so hard for a woman to find a man who is sensitive, caring, and good looking? Those men already have boyfriends. What do you call a woman who know where husband is every night? A widow. Why are married women heavier than single women? A single woman comes home, sees what's in the fridge, and goes to bed. A married woman comes home, sees what's in the bed, and goes to the fridge. And one for the guys.... A woman pushes her BMW into a gas station. She tells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for a few minutes, it's running smoothly. She asks, "So, what's the story?" The mechanic shrugs and says, "Crap in the carburetor," to which the woman replies, "How often do I have to do that?" Uh, Rev, I uh, I spoke to the guys and um... well there is no easy way to say this so I'll just come out and say it. You'll have to turn in your penis by Thursday, providing it's not already in a jar next to where ever your woman keeps your balls. WC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HouselessRogue Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Haha! Classic WC. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imoutgoodbye Posted June 15, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Uh, Rev, I uh, I spoke to the guys and um... well there is no easy way to say this so I'll just come out and say it. You'll have to turn in your penis by Thursday, providing it's not already in a jar next to where ever your woman keeps your balls. WC She made me do it! She beats me, WC, beats me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorCleric Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 She made me do it! She beats me' date=' WC, beats me! [/quote'] It's okay, Rev, it's okay, right now you're with people who love you, eunuch or not. WC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudder Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 For some reason I thought the Rev's wife had logged into his account and posted this. Yet then he admits to doing it. Shameful! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emp_newb Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 The funniest thing on this page is the Rev thought these where funny Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grim_Reefer Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Yeah dude, whats up with the lame jokes? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emp_newb Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Three guys walk into a bar The fourth one ducks. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
KRins Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 And Emp is officially off the team...seriously, you're cut...go to the lower fields and try out for the JV squad. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evangelion Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 A man walks into a bar. ... ... Nothing? Nothing? Here, let me try again... A baby seal walks into a club. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deykari Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 What have apples and oranges got in common? Neither of them can drive tractors. Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twinblades713 Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Dey, I love you. Along the same vein... Why are bananas yellow? ... Same reason the slow sign of traffic lights are. :3 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deykari Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 What's white and blue and sits in a tree? A refrigerator wearing a denim jacket. Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emp_newb Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 whats the difference between a pile of dead babies and a ferrari. I do not have a ferrari in my garage. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadCowDisease Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 whats worse than ten dead babies in a trash can? one dead baby in ten trash cans whats red, bubbles, and scratches at the door after 15 seconds? a baby in a microwave (dont get me started on dead baby jokes) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Posted June 15, 2009 Report Share Posted June 15, 2009 Three jews walk into a bar, And buy it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nekky Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Why did the bear fall out of the tree? Because someone dropped a piano on it. Why did the second bear fall out of the tree? Because it was stapled to the first bear. Why did the third bear fall out of the tree? Peer pressure. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evangelion Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 There's only one downtown area in all of Canada? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizz Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Ever seen an elephant hiding in a tree? Hide pretty good then, don't they? Q: How do you get an elephant into a refrigerator? A: Shove him inside Q: How do you get a giraffe into a refrigerator? A: Take out the elephant and shove the giraffe inside. Q: An elephant and a giraffe decide to have a race. Who wins? A: The elephant. The giraffe's stuck in the fridge. Q: All of the animals in the world have gotten together to have a meeting. Who's missing? A: The giraffe. He's in the fridge. Q: An explorer in africa needs to cross a gigantic lake that is well known for its deadly crocodiles. He has no boat, and it's unfeasible to walk around due to its size. How does he cross safely? A: He just swims right across, because the crocs are at the meeting. Q: An American scientist is planning on an expedition to Antarctica to conduct research. Who does he consult about enduring the cold climate? A: The giraffe. He's been in the fridge the whole damned time! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dale Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 Dead baby jokes... This is a dirty one. Whats the differance between a dead baby and a sandwich? You can't eat the sancwich after you have sex with it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evangelion Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 What's the hardest part of holding a baby underwater until it drowns? My penis. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MadCowDisease Posted June 16, 2009 Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 whats the difference between a dead baby and a trampoline? when you jump on a trampoline you take your boots off. how do you make a dead baby float? let go. how many babies does it take to paint a house? depends on how hard you throw them whats red, chunky, and spins round and round? a baby in a blender. why did the baby cross the road? it was chained to the bumper. whats the difference between a baby and an onion? you dont cry when you chop up a baby Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imoutgoodbye Posted June 16, 2009 Author Report Share Posted June 16, 2009 This is getting highly disgusting and quite disturbing. I never liked the dead baby jokes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.