Read this and tell me what you think.

[Pieman]

So myself and a buddy are starting to write a comic book. He is an amazing artist and I will be writing most of the story. The premise is that there is an immortal war beginning. All based on real religions. The protagonist of this story is an angel in the Catholic version of heaven (Yet to be named). The Archangel Michael, leader of the armies of Heaven, has been killed by a new entity known as The Unbeliever (pretty much the embodiment of Agnosticism). This angel is supposed to be the successor to Michael. This is more of less just a rough introduction to the story, with Saint Peter presiding over the sort of funeral for Michael and the thoughts of the protagonist. Saint Peter is speaking in Latin because of it's connection to the Catholic Church, but I will give translations for what he is saying, though the final draft will most likely not include these translations. I just want everyone's input on this entire idea and what I have so far.

Ita nos plango obduco nostri amicus , quod imperator Michael.

(And so we mourne the passing of our friend, and general Michael.) - Peter

I cannot fulfill this undertaking.

Suus virtus succurro vulgo spes nobis totus.

His courage helped to spread hope to us all. -Peter

This job is the undertaking only of a true hero.

Suus gubernatio tribuo nos regimen.

His leadership gave us guidance. - Peter

But this is not just for me.

Utriusque huic terra , quod quicumque insisto.

Both in this land, and all that follow. - Peter

This is a job of the greatest importance.

Totus notus fuimus secuutus suus exempoator ut a semita ut maiestas.

All known have followed his example as a path to greatness. - Peter

This feeling of fear is alien to our kind.

Sensus of vereor est alienus ut nostrum pius.

And he will forever leave an empty space in our hearts. - Peter

So why can't I stop this trembling?

Please note this is just the rough work I have done in the past hour since figuring out that we are going to do this, this entire scene would be the first introduction to the story and what is written will easily translate into frames which is why it is like this. Another thing to remember is that while everyone is gathered around the "funeral" listening to the words of Saint Peter the protagonist is very disconnected, almost in his own world of thought.

So tell me what you all think!

[Unknown Brother]

All in text? Wtf nerd.

[Guest emp_newb]

I am ****ing confused.

[Pieman]

Okay, what's confusing and I'll clear it up.