mmajunkie just got KOd. Heiku shelved.

[mmajunkie]

Just got a call from my step mother, my dad was wounded in Afghanistan last night. She found out through a military correspondant. Don't know yet the severity of it all, but I may or may not be around any longer. Worst case scenario I'm moving and taking over my dad's responsibilities at the farm and possibly attending a funeral. Best case scenario he isn't badly injured and comes home. But with what my father does...chances are it is bad. I should have more details once we are in contact with the hospital and get an update.

My playtime has already decreased somewhat due to some harassment I have received both in and out of game because of my character. Everyone loved him when they RP'd with him but then hated him when he got on the PK horse as well. 99% of my kills were all RPd beforehand and close to if not over 200 kills I only killed 1 person who was not at 50. I looted six people for maybe a total of 10 items and never full looted anyone. I never ganged anyone. I most certainly did not only pick easy kills. Not saying I did not kill my fair share of easy 50s...but I also had kills on Grum, Thulgan, decked Heureush, decked Jaspurr, decked Slinore and others. I almost single-handedly took back every piece of land from Knight who had Nexus backed up to their cabal. To my knowledge I may have unknowingly/accidentally tagged two or three people. And even still, my character was the one everyone loved to hate.

That's fine, but when it starts to detract from my RP because no one wants to RP with me just because I can also kill them anytime I choose...it's disheartening. Not saying everyone did that, but the vast majority of people of people no longer responded to my tells, etc.

So after 400 hours, Heiku is officially on the shelf. I have other projects that require my attention if any can be given in the coming weeks. He isn't gone and I don't want him denied and I will still play him as I still have RP plans for him. But as far as still being a "force" in FL...I doubt that very much. I'll analyze my playtime with him over the next week and quite possibly will sac all his rares if I don't feel like I can contribute as much as I should be.

To everyone who hated me just because you knew who I was.....I am sorry. I do not know what else I can do for you to see that I am not the player I was 5+ years ago. All of you who think that I do not RP and that I am trash, please realize that I was incredibly immature (still am a bit ) back then and did not care anything for RP. Now look at my past characters and ask yourself why I get titled and I get qraces and I get custom items and I get skills specially coded for me (non-PK benefit mind you)...it is because I do RP and I like to think I do it on a pretty high level and pretty consistently. Give me a second chance and forget about who I was.

I still talk to people on AIM and I still chat about in game events. What I do NOT do is let that affect my characters. I've lost a friend or two over AIM because I killed their characters because my RP deemed it pertinent. I've had to stop talking to some people because they got mad because I would not give them IC info over AIM.

Have I done a few stupid things like drop a piece of mithril for a lowbie? Yeah, I'm not perfect. Sue me. But I am not this uber-trashy fool that people like emp_newb (http://forum.theforsakenlands.org/showthread.php?t=17195&highlight=zrothum , , http://forum.theforsakenlands.org/showthread.php?t=17195&page=2&highlight=zrothum) will lie and bend the truth and not admit to their own recent and past OOC abuse to try and lead you to believe. I find it completely ironic that the people who call me trash and all this are just as bad if not worse than I ever was. But I won't go spouting their business and their shortcomings on the forum unless they want to argue about it with me.

I have invested time and soul into this game because I believe in what it was, what it is, and what it still can be. If you truly think I am that bad of a person or player, then I have failed you, I have failed myself, and I have failed at what I truly want to do - make this game a better place for everyone.

That being said, I have asked that my forum account be denied. I will continue to play and contribute all I can to this place...but it is becoming quite evident to me that any character I play, no matter how grand the RP or classy the PK, as soon as it is attatched to the name Zrothum, everything is forgotten.

Not saying everyone here is like that...but enough for me to receive harassment via PM, via OOC abuse in game, and a myriad of other things. It is best for myself and for this game if my OOC identity just disappears. There is one person I talk to on AIM who I consider a true, real-life friend and that will remain - we have a mutual understanding and agreement that what is said between us, stays between us and it has proven itself to be rock solid for many years. To anyone else...I am done talking about anything regarding FL. And that's IF I don't just create a new AIM SN.

This isn't a goodbye, I'll never truly leave FL. And i guess technically even if my playtime gets cut in half, I'll still be around quite a bit. eh? lol But I feel as I have given all that I can here in the community. If anyone wants any advice on DKs or anything else, I'll always be happy to offer insight or my opinion. Some people call me arrogant and egotistical, but that is usually what people who are wrong call people who are right. I've never meant to be brash or rude or egotistical, but I know a lot about this game and a lot about the raw elements of roleplaying in general. All I have ever meant to do was help spread that knowledge, clarify misunderstandings or incorrect information. I may have stepped on the toes of a couple people on purpose, I am human afterall. I apologize sincerely for those shortcomings.

nicnsaid@gmail.com

See you all in Aabahran.

[jibber]

Well, man, I know how you feel about never escaping the past. Apparently in this game the past is what you are and what you'll always be. You can't be redeemed, you can't be forgiven, and of course, never trusted because of the wonderful hate circles that our pbase unfortunately has.

See you around. I for one enjoyed your RP and your PK. Your interactions with both Rygsne and Istendil proved you're a classy player (I really like to make up my own mind about people, so I never believed the rumors about how crappy you were). Oh, and sorry I lost link/afkish with you on Istendil -- got a call from my dad, got up from the computer, and thought that our previous talk outside of Hope was done and over with.

Then you came knocking

Take it easy.

edited for errors.

[Twinblades713]

Have a good one.

[mmajunkie]

Well, man, I know how you feel about never escaping the past. Apparently in this game the past is what you are and what you'll always be. You can't be redeemed, you can't be forgiven, and of course, never trusted because of the wonderful hate circles that our pbase unfortunately has.

See you around. I for one enjoyed your RP and your PK. Your interactions with both Rygsne and Istendil proved you're a classy player (I really like to make up my own mind about people, so I never believed the rumors about how crappy you were). Oh, and sorry I lost link/afkish with you on Istendil -- got a call from my dad, got up from the computer, and thought that our previous talk outside of Hope was done and over with.

Then you came knocking

Take it easy.

edited for errors.

Years ago, you probably would have been dead and not left with anything lol I just couldn't do it though, not with my RP on Heiku as it is currently. The enemy of my enemy is my friend and such. once I realized you weren't even going to run when I walked into the room or get sanc up...I just tried to talk and RP hehe. Coloven finished me for you though :-)

Hate only breeds more hate. And as I have been hated and retaliated against it has caused me to only do the same. As I continue to grow not only as a player but as a person as well...I can see the detriment to things like this a lot clearer.

But as human nature will do as it will...you won't see those hate rings disappearing, ever. And has the pbase grows smaller, those rings only grow larger in comparison.

[mmajunkie]

Have a good one.

Think I'm really going to be able to have a good one with my father injured overseas and on his way to the hospital whilst I have zero idea if it's just a broken leg or if it's a life threatening injury?

Regarding your situation with me, could you PM me?

[Imoutgoodbye]

I wish you luck and happiness in RL Z-Man.

However, when it comes to FL, you know most of us are happy to have you around. Unfortunately, as you stated, you have a history of breaking our trust. I'm not going to go on with cliches about fool a man once, fool a man twice....

But here's my advice and take it from someone who came close to falling into that trap himself:

Definitely lose AIM.

Definitely stop telling people who you play.

Don't use the shout out forums. I think they're still bugged.

And lastly, most difficult, don't let RL friends know what you're doing in FL.

I WANT you to stick around. I WANT you to dig more deeply into RP and continue to diversify all the subtle nuances of what it is. I never reveal my characters until they're gone. I know people won't just see the character anymore. They will see more.

As for these hate groups, I acknowledge they exist. I know they do. Everyone of them thinks they're on some righteous crusade to do what's right for FL and eventually they're consumed by the same thing that made them hate in the first place.

The only person that needs to forgive you is you. As long as you hold yourself within bounds you will have the support of the staff and that's all you need.

[Kyzarius]

bummer man, hope you swing this way with some more stellar RP and great PK battles again soon!

[Anume]

Hope your dad is alright (not badly injured).

[Mali]

Sorry about your dad, hope he is ok. I don't really see what it has to do with your character though other than some absence. The rant seems unrelated. Everyone has family issues...

[Bert]

First off, I hope your father is all right. I'll keep your family in my prayers.

As far as 'turning over a new leaf'... I think you did a great job. Granted, I wasn't around when whatever bad mojo surrounding you happened, but I definitely see a marked improvement in RP, and your attitude IG and out. Its clear you've moved on, maybe there are some that just need to catch up with you now. Fagetaboutit.

I enjoyed Heiku a lot, fought you with many different chars and almost always died. They were all good experiences though. But hey, I love Dks, I take some solace in the fact that I may have died, but I helped the player on the other end. I never thought any of your kills were trashy, and in almost all cases, absolutely everything was left intact, except maybe gold. I don't see what there is to complain about personally.

As far as AIM... I had a contact here at one point. I will say that it was incredibly helpful being able to discuss different game aspects but I quickly saw the downside. I ended up deleting my char, and leaving the game for quite a while because of it. When I returned, it was under another forum handle and I'll never do the AIM thing again. I frequently send PMs to people when I'm struggling, or have questions too detailed for the forum, but that's it.

Take care of business. Then come back. I'd really suggest coming back under a different name though. Protect your identity and don't make it so obvious who you are. Ask the IMMs for some help getting it all done. If you can't let go of AIM, which I think you should, then don't EVER drop the name of who you are playing. Just my 2c.

Great job mma.

[mmajunkie]

I expect my step mom to be getting some news from the military hospital in germany sometime soon.

[Demiterracotta]

Hope everything is alright with your Dad. We will miss you in the meantime even if some people don't admit it. At the end of the day, the quality numbers on the who list count for a lot more than past perceptions, and Heiku was always quality when he showed up there. I hope to see both of you around again.

[Croyvern]

Hope your dad comes home in good health.

Heiku was an awesome character. Ofcourse I knew it was you. But then, you probably knew who I was too.

Best wishes, we will look forward to your return.

[Amaruil]

I wish you the best of circumstances with the current situation; and give your dad the best from this very motley crew of nerds.

Watching you develop and work towards change over the past few months has been a joy, and I look forward to actually rolling a mort and kicking the snot out of you one of these days.

Be good, and always remember that there are people out here pulling for you.

[Mindflayer]

First and foremost, I hope your father is not facing a life threatening injury. Perhaps some time away with your loved ones will be a blessing in disguise.

As for Heiku, I was a huge fan! I thought his roleplay was stellar and his killing was well executed and saved for his true enemies. Not quite sure what happened to Heiku during our last session (where you fireballed all of the central commons) but I assumed you wanted a piece of Grum. GET SOME! Very ballsy move... and I like that because that's how I enjoy playing too. Please bring him back, because Aabahran (and Grum) isn't finished with you yet.

Regarding you as a player here, I'll give you my advice. I feel that you need to just relax (and yes, I can tell that's not easy for you ) Leave the past behind. Don't worry about what other people think about you. Believe in yourself. You were doing a fine job with Heiku and I'm sure the people watching over you felt the same way. HOWEVER you tear yourself down in my eyes with a lot of what you've posted here. In this post you're supplying links to threads on this forum that are over a year old! We understand your upset, but those actions just reopen old wounds. Seriously, who cares? What's the point? It makes us all a little less fond of this forum. And most importantly, it damages a lot of the hard work you just did in game to prove otherwise. Be the bigger person. Walk forward and don't look back.

Edited for grammar, I'm a stickler. (And I love to abuse punctuation too)

[tassinvegeta]

I absolutely loved Heiku before you even made 50. I had thought Heiku was Dey but when I found out it was you I couldn't believe it. My experiences with your past chars like Jheepo were not very good. So when I heard you played Heiku you truly showed me you changed. I'm sorry other people still gave you a hard time but you chose a dark knight which is a wrong choice to show people that you've changed because they'll hate you no matter what. When I play dk's you usually have to expect or even enjoy the hate people portray onto you. Heiku was Amazing in his rp, led rp events, and very strong. Did I just see 4 maybe 5 high level malforms in that pk log? Anyway it will take time for people to see what I have and many aren't as forgiving but the only way to show them this is to keep doing what you're doing. Just know you have one fan that loved seeing a real rp'ing villain around and I hope things turn out well for you in rl.

[Dale]

Stellar rp. Hope your dad is okay.

[mya]

He had a crap load of malforms based on Workout motos.

Something as Sweet,Blood,Tears and another one.

Great Character Heiku, with Amazing RP. I would fall from my chair laughing every-time you would send me a random tell about your program (in your young days).

By the way, can get your Malforms?

If you chose to take a break from Heiku, you should roll a Battlemage. There has not been a truly powerful evil Battlemage in quite some time.

And I hope your dad recovers quickly. You will see that it is not as bad as you think. Bad news have a way of traveling very fast.

[The-Nameless]

I really resent the fact that I am dragged through the mud when your shelfing a character I have never really interacted with. I try my hardest to not correspond with you, and really just forget previous events as black spots in my time here.

Its even worse because of how things went down at the time. But thats thats. Hopefully you can see in my post I really have no animosity towards you, nor your chars. I will say I am sorry to hear your dad was wounded defending our freedom. Best wishes with your father and get back soon (Not before you get things straight) because regardless of our past chars, we always end up having interesting fights.

[mmajunkie]

Grum - Heiku had grown bitter with the world realizing that no one cared about fitness and about their own wellness (only two people ever signed up for the program) Especially once Nexus kicked him out for arguing about how lazy some of the members were.

Heiku's RP was never meant to really help anyone in the long run. His idea was to brainwash the public, in order to build an army-like cult.

I got the idea watching infomercials like p90x and thinking about all these crazy hollywood diets.....if you make people believe they have a real problem and you make them believe you have the answer, they'll do anything to fix the problem. Anything you tell them to.

So I added in a little Hulk Hogan for charisma and a little Richard Simmons for motivation. His RP never disappeared, just people stopped reacting to it in the same way.

Heiku never viewed himself as a killer. Just simply that everyone he worked out with was inferior and died trying to keep up.

The two people who signed up for the program were immune to me if they were showing progress and interest in the RP and not just using it to stave off my attacks.

As far as the malforms

Heiku, to me, was my only DK. I have had one @ 50 right before Heiku, Xyliana. She lasted @ 50 for 3 days before I was accused of malform cheating because of how quickly I had a named weapon, which I was later found to be innocent of really cheating but guilty of being a doucher. For multi killing and some other things, Xyliana was gone still.

So, my first DK at 50, I think everyone knows the feeling as player to want to experience malforms. I knew I didn't want to be someone who just stalked easy kills, pre-pinns, etc. I made a promise to myself that I would not full loot anyone.

If you play 15 hours straight you get to see someone who plays before they go to work...and then you get to see the same person when they get home from work. In between that, you get to see many other people. So ranking malforms without having to resort to (what i thought at the time) was cheap flip-flopping was easy.

On Heiku I think there was only 3 times I killed the same person twice in a row and I can sincerely say one of those times was experimenting with malform switching to see if still wouldn't rank and one of those times was because the guy came after me.

Thank you for the well-wishes and the criticisms. Perhaps I do need to just stop trying to prove change and instead just BE changed and carry on. I guess I just felt like if I ever wanted to be taken seriously and help facilitate change around here I needed to be seen in a different light. While those links may be a year old Grum, certain actions from certain people still happen in this game because of those posts, so I guess I still find them relevant. But you're right....I should just let it go and let it get dealt with by the people who have the power to irreversibly change it.

I hope with my next character I can continue to grow and evolve. I try to realize the mistakes on my previous char when I start a new one and correct them, my goal being to eventually play on a level that I feel people can look up to.

Still waiting on word from Germany, my dad's CO called my mother and told her what happened but claimed all he knew at the moment was that the facility my dad worked in was attacked and several had been seriously injured, but to the best of his knowledge none of them were in critical condition.

This is the second time in two months that my dad has been attacked like this. Kinda weird to think he asked for this. What he is doing right now was a special assignment that he signed up for, leaving behind his wife and 3yr old son who he hasn't seen for the past year now. Go America? Heh.

[Nikodemus]

Heiku was my hero from the moment I saw him in the forum logs.

Made me consider playing again!

[Mali]

Get a room, you guys. I don't care about your dirty past or your current scandals.

[mmajunkie]

No worries. Headed to bed if I can sleep any. Tomorrow is a new day and I will depart as I said I was going to.

Good luck to everyone, I wish everyone who plays here nothing but the best. Keep your eyes out for another original persona in the world, I'll always be out there somewhere.

[Erana]

Don't talk about this stuff here. You two should know better. This thread has served its purpose.