The-Nameless Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 The ****. Ok so this is gonna be venting and scattered but lets break it down. As of this morning my wife decides we are getting a divorce. As of this after noon the check cleared for me to move to a new place with my family. I have no money (first last security, security on utilities) and I can't get it back or my daughter is shafted. Im going to be homeless in 17 days. Im a ****ing wreck. I can't stop shaking, my head hurts. I can't ****ing keep my job because I don't have anywhere to ****ing go. My actual family is a ****ed up pile of mostly waste who tossed me on my *** at 15. What do you do? Im sitting here trying to choose between a knife, a bottle of aspirin, and Indian river drive at 95. **** man. I know some of you guys have had some **** go down. How do you deal with it? I used to be a shady, drug dealing partier who did not give a damn about anything. Now I am reduced to a blubbering mass of worthless **** when I think about not seeing my daughter every day. I keep feeling like I just don't give a **** about anything anymore. Why do I bust my ***? I have busted my *** for 5 years staying on the (mostly) up and up. Working actual jobs, barely making it for a while. **** gets fantastic, and suddenly I am right back at 15. Bag full of all my possessions, and no will to exist. How can I do it again? How can I sit through another X years of working, and busting my *** just to have it ripped out from under me again? How is it people make millions being shady, uncaring bastards, and I work an honest day every day. I never lash out at people who don't lash at me first. I don't hate, I don't discriminate. Im not a drug addict, Im not an alcoholic. Im not some worthless has been who never bothered to get his **** straight. Why does God want me to be? Why do I always end up like this? Why do I always get ****ed over. Why are some people born losers, and others are made to succeed? How is it that no matter how hard I try, how hard I save, or work, I always arrive back here. I just spent 3k to move somewhere, and now I can't move there. Even if I make money (1099 commission work) I won't get paid til the second. I don't know what to do, and I don't know what will make this **** stop. **Please, read the sincerity in this post. Alot of you have negative comments and a negative attitude, Im going to plead with you to keep it away from me please. I feel like I am very close to just snapping and taking a dive off the deep end right now, and I don't need some sarcastic bull**** from someone I cannot punch in the face. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Demiterracotta Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Breaking stuff down one piece at a time makes things easier. One, you currently have a housing issue. Your wife just decided to get a divorce, so is she moving into said house with your daughter? If so, why can you not live there? It is YOUR money, and while the situation would be stressful, having a roof over your head can allow you to not stress about that certain aspect. (Note:I have never been married, but my mom lived with my dad for six months after they got divorced so she could find a job and a place so that us kids could go visit her.) Two, **** happens. Unfortunately when it hits the fan you get sprayed all over, not just your feet. In my experience the drama llama is an evil spiteful bastard, but he can also be shot in the head and eaten. Compartmentalize, it will be your friend, don't think about what is going to happen, what will happen, or why it is happening. Just think about today, ok, you're getting divorced, you are still apparently a loving father (Not like she's leaving you because of you being a dead-beat or anything man, chin up), your number one priority at this point in time is to look after your future and that of your daughters, if your wife wants to leave YOU, then you need to point out that your money is putting you into that house, and in order to keep your job and have the means to give her what she wants, YOU need a place to live, as does your daughter. I REALLY hope things get better for you, and this is just my two cents on the situation, but don't go do something stupid, think of your daughter, you being in her life as her father even in a less always there capacity is more important than letting yourself do something stupid to ease your pain today, her pain won't leave for much longer due to losing her father. Chin up, head down, charge the mound. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Balgashang Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Quitters never win and winners never quit, like you said, you been there before, so have I, and it does suck, but on the bright side, this isn't happening to someone born with a silver spoon, so its old territory. Number one prioty is you right now, gotta take care of yourself, and your job, shower at a friends, sleep in your ride, etc, do what you gotta do, its old hat. You're much better equipped to do it then someone thats never HAD to before. The reason why you are number one for the moment is so you can get back into a position to put your daughter at 1. I don't know your domestic situation but even if its worst case, your girl will be 18 one day, and thats the time you look forward too. I know you smoke, so do that as well, get your head right. Edit: Sent you a pm with my number, call me if you want to, least I can do is listen, if i'm not able to offer some advice. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Magick Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I can't add too much more than Demiterracotta stated. Good advice. I can say though, that I've been through similar. I'll not put it here right now since I'd rather not digress from your current hiccup. I survived, you can too. Sometimes, just a good rant and a friend or two can pull you out of quite a bit. You have dozens here. If you want an ear to yell at, shoulder to cry on, whatever, feel free to PM/mail me. As for your three choices, do neither. Grab your sweats and run around the city park. Get out there and run. Don't think of anything else. Clear your head, wear yourself out then go to bed. Try to sleep. On second thought, just sleep. May be hard, but do it. Wake up. Feel better. Start with problem one. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mali Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Even if you get divorced you have responsibilities to your family. So, first step is to reign your emotions in and not throw it all away. Right now you have a job right? And you do have a line on that house. If you need more money, even though its not immediate, you could start taking night classes and get some government dollars (pell grants, stafford loans). You could sell your earthly possessions on ebay. Maybe some folks here will chip in and buy stuff? Its not glorious, but you could get a roommate or two to cut back on costs so you at least have a mailing address. Even if your not religious, you could pretend to be and go to a church. Maybe someone will put you up in a guest house or get you more work. Some folks have to work 2, 3 jobs to make ends meet. You just gotto look at it in the face and make a 1 year, 2 year, 5 year plan. Sorry to hear of your troubles, bro... this too will pass. Theres worse places to be in life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atticus Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I think that game is going to flop. Who ends a game in a nursery' date=' where the main boss is a sleeping kitten who is blind, and misses his mommy.[/quote'] suck it up and good luck, life sucks, and you die. "something inspirational" n-n-n-n-n-ninja, yeah. im out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfrosto Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Tell ya what man, I'm right there with you...But what can you do? You can make the best of what you got. Don't let that woman ruin your life, it's YOUR life, no one elses. Take what you can get, protect your daughter, and let her(wife) rot in hell. Someone told me something yesterday, and I think it might help you...might not... You know why bad things happen when you are doing good? Because the Devil doesn't want you to be happy, he's scared. You have to push him out of your life, or he'll just sneak in and take over. Take it with a grain of spirituality or don't, the concept is still there. You have to make the decision to get rid of the bad, as any of us do. It's hard, and life doesn't make it easy, I'll be the first person to tell you that, but it's possible. Find your support systems, and don't be afraid to ask for help, you'd be surprised where you'll find it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liadon Xiloscient Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Love you frosty! All of this advice is good, and most of it leads to the same thing: Keep on keepin' on. You wouldn't appreciate the really good things, without the really bad things, and you wouldn't be half the man without the struggles you've been through so far. Imagine how strong you'll be on the other side of this. You can do it, we all have faith in you and trust in your ability. Aside from that, you have a daughter that needs a father, harming yourself in any way would be the worst thing you could ever do to that precious little girl. Please be strong. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Implementor Anume Posted February 12, 2011 Implementor Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 I know of several couples who broke apart, first went through hell (yelling at each other even in front of their children) but eventually managed to get a good friendly relationship, even making short trips together with the kids. My brother has a boy (now 10 years old) who stays with him the weekends and lives with his mom the rest of the time, they all get along fine, even the boy's mom with my brothers now wife. You'll get your life on track again, eventually. You just need to find the strength to get over this hard part now. I will get better again. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Nameless Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 UPDATE: I called my boss to let him know what is going on, he asked me if I wanted to work some leads from alaska/hawaii cause noone ever does and they are 5 and 6 hours behind us. I usually only touch east coast, and only do 2 or 3 a day for my sales pipeline. Last night my boss gave me five "warm" leads for people who wanted a call about a modification. I was able to get 2 good ones, and my boss said if I can get the retainer in before midnight Ill get paid wednesday (I got one in) so I have cash coming immediately (I usually only get paid once a month). So I will be pushing off my current land lord for 60 days (30 days for eviction notice + 30 days for the trial to fight eviction) so I should be able to get enough cash for another place pretty easily. Money typically is not an issue, but I just bought a new car cause my wifes car was dying, then the 3k to move in to this apartment. I bought a bike last year so I have transport (so long as it is not raining). I appreciate the kind words, last night I just went and bought a fifth and drank it all listening to punk music. Woke up on my back porch with punk music blaring and felt better at least. I was in a *really* bad place last night. AFter a good night's sleep I can be my good ol self. Also you are all welcome I did not log my char for a slaughter spree Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Atebos Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 Life is never so bad where you should think about killing yourself. Good job on speaking to your boss about the situation. Even though its not in the Bible I like to say this anyways, God helps those who help themselves. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Nameless Posted February 12, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 well god will supply everything you need to do well. You just have to use it, and not expect it as a handout. He gave me a field, I have to sew a crop. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mmm Coffee Posted February 12, 2011 Report Share Posted February 12, 2011 1) Start exercising if you don't already. Lift, run, bike...whatever you like to do. The endorphins and self-confidence will do wonders for your state of mind. 2) Put down FL for a while and get focused. From the outside looking in, you spend a TON of time here. I don't know the details of your relationship, but if I was the wife/daughter in the situation...I don't know how I would put up with the time some of you sink into this game. Take a look at your financial situation and think about how you can improve it. One thing is certain, it's not going to improve sitting on your *** rolling doobs and characters. 3) Eliminate drugs from your life if you still do them...yes, even weed. If your wife wants to be nasty and take you to court for custody - the last thing you want is to fail a mandatory drug test and be limited to supervised visits. Not saying that WILL happen, but it definitely CAN happen. Speaking from experience, when the fog clears and you're sober, things will start to seem a lot less overwhelming. Plus, that's money better spent on rent/food/daughter. That's enough to start with anyway - sorry I don't candy-coat **** Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Nameless Posted February 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 #1: I do lift from time to time, but nothing close to serious. I am very comfortable with who I am #2: 60-70% of the time I spend on FL I am working too. My characters habitually have spotty play times, but while I am negotiating with a bank (1-2 hours for a modification) I am literally reading numbers out of a file, with 2-3 minutes between each number. I usually to 2-3 calls a day, so you can see I get 3-5 hours a day I am also relating this info to clients in a way they can understand. Translating Bank talk to people talk really, and it is always the same spiel, with different numbers. (ask those people I chase for 5 zones right on their ***, then I just disappear and no longer chase). The rest of my time comes from late night. #3: I don't do anything except smoke, I only smoke late at night, and early morning because those times I do not have to be responsible yet. I also work from home, and work on a commission basis so having a strong pitch excedes putting in 70 hours. I have a grip on it, I have been through senseless amounts of bull**** in my life, this can be just more of it. As far as my marriage suffering from playing. My marriage is troubled by my wife's inability to regulate anger. She cannot differentiate between little, and big things. It is all just raging pissed. Also every few months I take breaks in FL. Usually after going moderately far with a char. I really appreciate the advice, but most of my original post came out of the "shock" of the situation, and some southern comfort. Of course I was gonna be depressed. But I am not going to actually off myself. The key line was "blubbering worthless sack of ****" I was just spewing Emo out of my drunken orrifices. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Croyvern Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Nameless. You are something special. To those who are given much, much will be required. As to why he asks so much of you, gives only to take away, remember, its because he knows YOU can handle it, where others would only give up. Any man can move a mountain, few will. Good luck, best wishes, and may the scales find balance for you soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Imoutgoodbye Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 But I am not going to actually off myself. The key line was "blubbering worthless sack of ****" I was just spewing Emo out of my drunken orrifices. If I asked the question in a crowded room, "Who here has ever thought about killing themselves?" I would see at least 9 out of every 10 people raise their hand. The 10th person would be a lying sack of ****. Everyone romanticizes or fantasizes about death at some point in their life, they even dream about it, so that should say something. It's just ingrained into us like so many other aspects of society that some things are NOT okay. However, most of us don't believe in killing ourselves, so, we don't. Now, as for spewing Emo **** out your drunken orifices, my PM box is always open if you ever want to do it again. I'm always willing to listen. Keeping that **** pent up isn't doing you any good. We're all family here. We're all willing to listen to you. The OOC Lounge is made for these types of posts, despite what anyone would say. We love ya, bro. We're here for you. You're going to pull through, you're going to go through some changes, you're gonna make some changes, and life will be different. But you're gonna make it through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mmm Coffee Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 People need to wake up...there is no friggin God! I mean that in the most loving way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfrosto Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 People need to wake up...there is no friggin God! I mean that in the most loving way Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Nameless Posted February 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 of course god does not exist to you, you turned your back on him. God isn't gonna give you a free pass. You have to work for it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mmm Coffee Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 God = the sun and that's it. From as long as humans had the ability to communicate and tell stories, the sun was worshiped. It brought safety and warmth in the day and predators/cold in the night. During the Spring/Summer it brought life and Fall/Winter, death. These concepts, over time, were simply made into allegorical stories and exaggerated until the concept of the "man-god" (such as pharaohs were) was successfully implemented. It was the easiest form of control -- bad things happen, blame it on pissing off the god(s). Good things happen, it's a miracle! Only now we have advanced our scientific processes and understanding such that there's no such thing as miracles. (Anyone heard a good miracle lately?) All these bad/good things can be explained -- no more bull****. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Nameless Posted February 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 scientific process analyzes what they see, to try to translate it into what we can understand. There is not a single person on the planet that can fully understand god. To say god is the sun is bland, and paganist. I don't run arounding slamming agnostic/atheism because of their ignorance, because it is not my place. Iw ill spread the word, and anyone who listens will benefit, the ones who don't can fend for themselves when the time comes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pali Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 People need to wake up...there is no friggin God! I mean that in the most loving way *facepalm* Wrong thread for it, dude. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The-Nameless Posted February 13, 2011 Author Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Heh. You know it is bad when Pali dodges the chance to take up a science vs religion talk. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pali Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 I've got plenty of objections to things mentioned on this thread... but there is a time and a place for rational discussion of such things. A thread about you dealing with **** happening in your life is not it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
f0xx Posted February 13, 2011 Report Share Posted February 13, 2011 Watch "The Pursuit of Happynes" if you have some free time. This movie always manages to give me some strength in rough moments. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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