Nympha Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Ok, I have this friend who has memory loss. Can remember some things if she tries really really hard or writes them down and reads them daily. Well just the other day, she found out she was pregnant. Problem is, she does not remember having sex at all! How would you recommend that she approach her guy friends and finds out who is the father. I see this as happening two ways. 1) She can ask the guys if she has had sex with them. But of course if she asks them that then they could get offended cause what guy wants to know that he was not memorable enough to remember! 2) Try and see which one acts differently around her, though that will be kind of hard since she cant really remember how they act, even sometimes has a hard time remembering which one is which. 3) Secretly take dna (like a strand of hair) and test it when the baby is born. There was another but for the life of me I cant remember it. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warpnow Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 I would suggest that she has someone else ask them. Arrange a gathering with several people, she leaves...the other person asks, "Hey, so are you guys just friends...or what?" Rinse. Repeat. Bleh, there is my three's company way of doing things. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Greased Weasel Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Give me fifteen minutes alone with each of them, I'll make em talk Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 1) She can ask the guys if she has had sex with them. But of course if she asks them that then they could get offended cause what guy wants to know that he was not memorable enough to remember! Best course of action, just ask them herself or by proxy. 2) Try and see which one acts differently around her' date=' though that will be kind of hard since she cant really remember how they act, even sometimes has a hard time remembering which one is which.[/quote'] You already stated why this wouldn't work. 3) Secretly take dna (like a strand of hair) and test it when the baby is born. So, so illegal. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warpnow Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Not to mention...not telling the father of a child he is the father until the baby is born...is very insensitive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rutkowski Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 So' date=' so illegal.[/quote'] And so, so expensive. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tom Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Not if you do it yourself... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nympha Posted April 23, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Not to mention...not telling the father of a child he is the father until the baby is born...is very insensitive. That is so funny. She cant tell him he is the father if she doesnt know who the father is! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warpnow Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 No, but i don't think secretly conducting tests to find out and then sprinin it on him AFTER the baby is born is not the way to go about it. I would either ask them straight out, or do what I said before and have a friend ask. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudder Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 I hate to sound like a dick and all you religious people are going to hate me after I say this. But WOW! This is a prime case for abortion. I mean seriously. This is a perfect scenario for why its there. This and rape cases. Young teens aswell. Not to talk badly of your friend. But what kind of life is the baby going to have with a mother that can't remember a damn thing? Thats IF the baby survives infancy. Babies take a lot of care and you have to remember to do all the right things. Change diapers, feed, etc. etc. Yes the baby will help remind you with crying/smelling badly, but that will only get you so far. If shes completely against abortion, I don't see why not, then at least give the kid up for adoption. Though honestly thats not the perfect life either. Just my 2 cents. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zrothum Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 No, it's not. Cmon. Abortion because you have memory problems? It is still your child and you can find out who the father is. I am against abortion, except for things such as Rape. This is nothing more than a bad hand of cards. She needs to own up to the guys that she knows and flat out tell them she has a memory problem. Nympha...does she have a guy friend? A REAL friend. Not just someone she sleeps with. Someone she could really trust? If she does, he is the one to go to. Explain it to him and I am sure he wold be more than willing to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iyorvin Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Yes, she needs to take responsibility for her actions and act with maturity. I don't know how you realy think this is a problem at all actually........ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mudder Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Yes' date=' she needs to take responsibility for her actions and act with maturity. I don't know how you realy think this is a problem at all actually........[/quote'] You think having an abortion is not taking responsibility for your actions? Doing nothing and just having the baby, bringing it into this mess sounds pretty selfish to me. Even if she finds the father, whats going to happen? Even if the father wants to be a part of the childs life, whats going to happen? How bad is her memory? Would she be able to remember her child? Would she wake up and wonder why shes suddenly fat? Could she even remember the childs father once she finds out who it is? I'm sorry, this just doesn't sound like any sort of childhood anyone should have to go through. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.Twendrist Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 There is always adoption. The Church has the whole 1 800 baby due thing, and you can leave the baby at any hospital or fire station without any questions if you want. (I'm not sure about the hospital thing/Fire station thing elsewhere, but in Texas you can). Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
The Greased Weasel Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 There is always adoption. The Church has the whole 1 800 baby due thing' date=' and you can leave the baby at any hospital or fire station without any questions if you want. (I'm not sure about the hospital thing/Fire station thing elsewhere, but in Texas you can).[/quote'] Is it just me or does this sound callous to anyone else? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J.Twendrist Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 It's better than killing the kid. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warpnow Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Politcally, I am pro-choice. Personally, I oppose abortion on a moral basis in all situations. Adoption is, yes, a better option than abortion. Allowing a child to live what may be a fulfilling life is better than cutting it short after a few months. I think she needs to approach these people for a few reasons. 1) When she's pregant she is going to need help. If she has these bad memory losses, it would be surprising if the child even survives until birth without aid. 2) Its the right of the father to know, and to have the oppurtunity to help, which any stand up guy would want to. 3) Even if she can't remember it, she decided to have sex. Own up to that decision and do what is necessary. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Evilness Posted April 23, 2006 Report Share Posted April 23, 2006 Well my advice would be to ask people if she has had sex with them, ( such a weird question ask though ) But at least explain why she is asking, and I mean fully with baby and memory loss info Worst case scenario they get offended and act like a dick. In which case if they are the father they obvioulsy don't want to be, which in this scenario is probably better for there to be no father than to have one who will treat her callously. It's such a hard thing to even to try to comprehend let alone experience and go through. notice how I am skirting the abortion issue . . . Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nympha Posted April 24, 2006 Author Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 Ok. Let me explain further. Her memory loss is not permanent. Its a temporary thing due to some major tramatic experiences in her life. I.E. Being raped three times, beat once. So, with proper counciling it will clear up and she can cope normally. Besides, her memory loss is -not- that bad. She just forgets some things here and there if she does not work extra hard to remember them. She is a very good mother and has two children already. Abortion is -NOT- an option. Each child, upon conception is a living being, and it would be murder for her to have adoption. Both her and I are very agreed upon this. Besides, we have researched abortion, and we have seen the trama that women who have abortion can go through. Not something we want to add to her condition. Adoption is an option we are looking at if the baby survives the first trimester. She has miscarried twice already but if it does make it, we were still trying to figure out ways to find out who the baby's father is without completely insulting her guy friends, even though there are not very many of them. Then if we do decide on a course to find out who the father is, if he wont help and take responsibility then we of course will possibly put it up for adoption, or I will help take care of it with her. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mmm Coffee Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 My suggestion is for you (Nympha) to move somewhere were: a) You are not stalked by prior inmates convicted for murder People aren't raped three times and beat once. Maybe I'm being insensitive to the nature of the problem, but this isn't something I would go to the mud community for advice. Especially since the community is like 99% male. If she's an adult with a memory issue and cares about finding out who the father is, then try honesty! Tell them she has a memory issue and blah blah. If nobody answers, a DNA test once the child is born (or even before) can eventually prove it assuming the person is someone she knows. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boy Kid Wonder Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 Not if you do it yourself... How the hell would you do it?! Take a strand of hair from him and the kid, " Yup, both brown. Thats the father. " Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WagesofSin Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 You're not alone Mudder. Has the woman considered abortion/giving up for adoption? Having a child is SERIOUS business. How serious are her memory problems? Can she hold a job? Is she financially secure? All these things have to be taken into account. Also, these "guys" seem kind of shady(or at least irresponsible), having sex(unprotected!) and then taking off....(well...i guess like all guys *roll*) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pieman Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 Well if she DOES go ahead and have the baby, does she have a good, and I mean that truly far and away beyond a good friend, who is a guy that might help her father the baby? Hell, who knows if that would even work, fathering scares the crap out of most guys. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iyorvin Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 You think having an abortion is not taking responsibility for your actions? Doing nothing and just having the baby, bringing it into this mess sounds pretty selfish to me. Even if she finds the father, whats going to happen? Even if the father wants to be a part of the childs life, whats going to happen? How bad is her memory? Would she be able to remember her child? Would she wake up and wonder why shes suddenly fat? Could she even remember the childs father once she finds out who it is? I'm sorry, this just doesn't sound like any sort of childhood anyone should have to go through. Look bro. I went through this same **** my entire life. I'm the child that, if up to you, would have killed. Real fair buddy..........I was in existance, swimming in the womb, having a ball, and you'd flush me down the toilet due to what you deem unappropriate for a child to be in? She has the chance to find out who the father is, I'll never have that chance, hell I don't even know his name. Now, I do realize I opened myself up to some huge critisism, but do realize my life is great. Sure, I've had to struggle, but now I'm in university, fully independant, and alot more tolerant to the situations around me. I say go for it, it'll make her life feel blessed, hell it saved my Moms. Peace. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mya Posted April 24, 2006 Report Share Posted April 24, 2006 DIdnt the doctor tell her to use a diary to wright her daily activities ? This is the thing the diary is for. And tell her to keep a notebook (paper) on her purse at all times with a pen. So that even if she get in a situation where she might not have time to wait till she returns home to wright stuff up. It looks akward to pull a big diary at a bar, but she can easely go to the girlsroom and write a note. Also i personaly doubt her muscle memory is out, so you should Nag her to wright everything to develop secound instinct. So that even if she forget to wright the body will take control. Its like the car thing, once you close your car with the alarm and walk a few metters and start asking that question: "Did i closed the car ?", while returning back to check. You do this a few times and you will doing it most of your life. Also if she choses to keep the baby the diary thing will help her greatly. PS: Totaly do the DNA stuff if you can get away with it and have the $$$. Good Luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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