Deykari Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 REDMOND, Wash. -- Oct. 21, 2005 -- In direct response to accusations made by the Department of Justice, Microsoft Corporation announced today it will be acquiring the Federal Government of the United States of America for an undisclosed sum. "It's actually a logical extension of our growth," said Microsoft chairman and CEO Bill Gates. "It's a positive arrangement for everyone." Microsoft representatives held a briefing at the Oval Office with US President George Bush, and assured members of the press that changes to US Government policy will be "minimal." The United States will be managed as a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corp. An initial public offering is planned for July 4 of next year, and the Federal Government is expected to be profitable by 2006, according to Microsoft president Steve Ballmer. In a related announcement, President George Bush stated that he had "willingly and enthusiastically" accepted a position as vice president of USA Operations with Microsoft, and will continue to manage the United States government, reporting directly to Microsoft chairman and CEO Bill Gates. When asked how it felt to give up the mantle of executive authority, Bush smiled and referred to it as "a relief." He went on to say that Gates has a "proven track record," and that US citizens should offer Gates their "full support and confidence." In his new role at Microsoft, Bush will reportedly be earning several times the $200,000 annually he currently earns as US president. Gates dismissed a rumor that the US Capitol be moved to Redmond as "silly," though he did say he would make executive decisions for the US government from his existing office at Microsoft headquarters. Gates did say, however, that the US House and Senate would "of course" be abolished. "Microsoft isn't a democracy," Gates said, "yet look how well we're doing." When asked if the rumored attendant acquisition of Canada was proceeding, Gates would only say that Microsoft doesn't comment on unannounced products. Microsoft representatives closed the conference by stating that United States citizens will be able to expect lower taxes, increases in government services, discounts on all Microsoft products, and the immediate arrest of all executive officials of Sun Microsystems Inc. and Netscape Corp. About Microsoft* Founded in 1975, Microsoft (NASDAQ "MSFT") is the worldwide leader in software for personal computers, and democratic governments. The company offers a wide range of products and services for public, business and personal use, each designed with the mission of making it easier and more enjoyable for people to take advantage of the full power of personal computing and mostly free society every day. About the United States* Founded in 1776, the United States of America is the most successful nation in the history of the world, and has been a beacon of democracy and opportunity for over 200 years. Headquartered in Washington, DC, the United States is a wholly owned subsidiary of Microsoft Corporation. * "The United States of America" and "Microsoft" are registered trademarks of Microsoft Corporation. Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Icor Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 I wonder what this will do to my stock options... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Raargant Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Now you know why that Chinese president guy visited Gates, instead of Bush, first. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest emp_newb Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Well, I suppose some people strive to be movie stars, others models, rappers, performers. Bill Gates has realized his dream of being the highest paid ultra geek of all time. This just goes to show if you have a dream. Go for it. Emp_Newb Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boy Kid Wonder Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Funny, how that only shows up on forwarded email sites and joke sites. I have looked through 3-4 pages provided by google and none are known news sites. Nice prank. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iyorvin Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 LMAO. Boy kid..........haha you're joking right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Boy Kid Wonder Posted May 2, 2006 Report Share Posted May 2, 2006 Its fake! Don't mock me! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deykari Posted May 3, 2006 Author Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MeleeCrazy Posted May 3, 2006 Report Share Posted May 3, 2006 uh duh it's fake...it's a joke...why would someone spend the time to examine such a thing,. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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