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Merry Christmas!

Erelei

By Erelei
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Enethier Rookie

Enethier

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Every Elf Down in Elfville Liked Christmas a lot...
But the Drow, Who lived just below Elfville, Did NOT!
The Drow hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don't ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be her head wasn't screwed on just right.
It could be, perhaps, that her shoes were too tight.
But I think that the most likely reason of all,
May have been that her heart was two sizes too small.
Whatever the reason, her heart or her shoes,
She stood there on Christmas Eve, The Elves she did rue,
Staring out from her cave with a sour, Drow frown,
At the warm lighted windows above in their town.
For she knew every Elf down in Elfville beneath,
Was busy now, hanging a mistletoe wreath.
"And they're hanging their stockings!" she snarled with a sneer,
"Tomorrow is Christmas! It's practically here!"
Then she growled, with her Drow fingers nervously drumming,
"I MUST find some way to stop Christmas from coming!"
For Tomorrow, she knew, all the Elf girls and boys,
Would wake bright and early. They'd rush for their toys!
And then! Oh, the noise! Oh, the Noise!
Noise! Noise! Noise!
That's one thing she hated! The NOISE!
NOISE! NOISE! NOISE!
Then the Elves, young and old, would sit down to a feast.
And they'd feast! And they'd feast! And they'd FEAST!
FEAST! FEAST! FEAST!
They would feast on Elf-pudding, and rare Elf-roast beast.
Which was something the Drow couldn't stand in the least!
And THEN They'd do something she liked least of all!
Every Elf up in Elfville, the tall and the small,
Would stand close together, with Christmas bells ringing.
They'd stand hand-in-hand. And the Elves would start singing!
They'd sing! And they'd sing! And they'd SING!
SING! SING! SING!
And the more the Drow thought of this Elf ChristmasSing,
The more the Drow thought, "I must stop this whole thing!"
"Why, for fifty-three years I've put up with it now!"
"I MUST stop this Christmas from coming! But HOW?"
Then she got an idea! An awful idea!
THE DROW GOT A WONDERFUL, AWFUL IDEA!
"I know just what to do!" The Drow laughed in her throat.
And she made a quick Santy Claus hat and a coat.
And she chuckled, and clucked, "What a great Drowess trick!"
"With this coat and this hat, I look just like Saint Nick!"
"All I need is a reindeer..." The Drow looked around.
But, since reindeer are scarce, there was none to be found.
Did that stop the Matron? No! The Drow simply said,
"If I can't find a reindeer, I'll make one instead!"
So she called her slave, Max. Then she took some red thread,
And she tied a big horn on the top of his head.
THEN she loaded some bags And some old empty sacks,
On a ramshackle sleigh And he hitched up old Max.
Then the Drow said, "Giddap!" And brought the whip down,
And the sleigh began moving, right to the Elves, asleep in their town.
All their windows were dark. Quiet snow filled the air.
All the Elves were all dreaming sweet dreams without care.
When she came to the first little house on the square.
"This is stop number one," the old Matron Claus hissed,
And she climbed to the roof, empty bags in her fist.
Then she slid down the chimney. A rather tight pinch.
But, if Santa could do it, then she'd find it a cinch.
She got stuck only once, for a moment or two.
Then she stuck her head out of the fireplace flue.
Where the little Elf stockings all hung in a row.
"These stockings," she grinned, "are the first things to go!"
Then she slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
Around the whole room, and she took every present!
Pop guns! And bicycles! Roller skates! Drums!
Checkerboards! Tricycles! Popcorn! And plums!
And she stuffed them in bags. Then the Drow, very nimbly,
Stuffed all the bags, one by one, up the chimney!
Then she slunk to the icebox. He took the Elves' feast!
She took the Elf-pudding! She took the roast beast!
She cleaned out that icebox as quick as a flash.
Why, that Drow even took their last can of Elf-hash!
Then she stuffed all the food up the chimney with glee.
"And NOW!" grinned the Drow, "I will stuff up the tree!"
And the Drow grabbed the tree, and she started to shove,
When she heard a small sound like the coo of a dove.
She turned around fast, and she saw a small child!
Little Cindy-Lou Elf, who thought all of this wild.
The Drow had been caught by this tiny Elf daughter,
Who'd got out of bed for a cup of cold water.
She stared at the Drow and said, "Santy Claus, why,”
"Why are you taking our Christmas tree? WHY?"
But, you know, that Matron was so smart and so slick,
She thought up a lie, and she thought it up quick!
"Why, my sweet little tot," the fake Santy Claus lied,
"There's a light on this tree that won't light on one side."
"So I'm taking it home to my workshop, my dear."
"I'll fix it up there. Then I'll bring it back here."
And her fib fooled the child. Then she patted her head,
And she got her a drink and she sent her to bed.
And when CindyLou Elf went to bed with her cup,
SHE went to the chimney and stuffed the tree up!
Then the last thing she took Was the log for their fire!
Then she went up the chimney, herself, the old liar.
On their walls she left nothing but hooks and some wire.
And the one speck of food That she left in the house,
Was a crumb that was even too small for a mouse.
Then she did the same thing To the other Elves' houses
Leaving crumbs Much too small For the other Elves' mouses!
It was quarter past dawn... All the Elves, still a-bed,
All the Elvess, still asnooze When she packed up her sled,
Packed it up with their presents! The ribbons! The wrappings!
The tags! And the tinsel! The trimmings! The trappings!
Three thousand feet down! In the depths of Mt. Crumpit,
She rode with her load to the bottom to dump it!
"PoohPooh to the Elves!" he was smirking and humming.
"They're finding out now that no Christmas is coming!"
"They're just waking up! I know just what they'll do!"
"Their mouths will hang open a minute or two,
Then the Elves down in Elfville will all cry BooHoo!"
"That's a noise," grinned the Drow, "That I simply MUST hear!"
So she paused. And the Drow put her hand to her ear.
And she did hear a sound rising over the snow.
It started in low. Then it started to grow.
But the sound wasn't sad! Why, this sound sounded merry!
It couldn't be so! But it WAS merry! VERY!
She stared down at Elfville! The Drow popped her eyes!
Then she shook! What she saw was a shocking surprise!
Every Elf up in Elfville, the tall and the small,
Was singing! Without any presents at all!
She HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming! IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Drow, with her small-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?"
"It came with out ribbons! It came without tags!"
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And she puzzled three hours, till her puzzler was sore.
Then the Drow thought of something she hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store."
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"
And what happened then? Well...in Elfville they say,

 

That the matron committed genocide on their people, hooray!

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