Myrek's not terrible description formula

[myrek]

(This is not as complicated as the size would imply. Let's count this as an overly thorough draft.)

 

Apparently there are some hq players who have never gotten dragons. So I'm going to share my description writing process/formula.

Disclaimer 1: this is a formula like the journalistic upside down pyramid. It is a way to structure your writing. It is NOT some magic, fill-in-the-blank algorithm. GARBAGE IN, GARBAGE OUT.

Disclaimer 2: I will be irate if you use this and half-ass it and get the IMM's pissed at me. This won't help you unless you do the work. I really don't want Gifnab messaging me over and over. 

The formula

1. Develop the description in your head. Take notes. This is the hard part.  
   1. Consider writing your history and whatnot now. This will ensure you don't end up with contradictory info in your description. It also provides inspiration and constraints for your creativity.
   2. If this isn't something that flows for you, start with a list. Make a list of everything that could be described with its description. (This is just a list. You're not working on a narrative yet.)
2. You're looking for some interesting features and 3 to 5 key features. What are they? I don't know. It could be anything. You just need 3 things to talk about. (They'll make more sense once you read how they're used.)
   1. The features could be a physical characteristic: height, weight, hair color/style, skin, eye position/color, a deformity, mouth, nose, chin, etc.
   2. It could be equipment: weapons, armor, clothing, makeup, tattoos, etc. I try to be careful with equipment.
      If I go this route, I tend to focus on:
      1. Something that goes on top of everything
      2. A design engraved or painted on - thus the actual armor is irrelevant
      3. Something that's definitely irrelevant (to game mechanics) like a walking stick or cosmetic jewelry.
   3. It could be environmental. Be careful with this 1. These are pretty much all temporary conditions. You could use this for 1 of the 3, but you still have to be careful with it. An environmental description feature is better as additional flair in addition to 3 other features
3. Time to write. There are many ways to write a description but this 1 is mine.
   1. The HOOK - mandatory
      Look at your notes. What is the 1st interesting thing that people would notice? Put that in your 1st line. It doesn't have to be a homerun. You just need to give a good 1st impression so that the IMM has a positive outlook on the description.
   2. The GRAND CANYON - mandatory
      I've never been to the Grand Canyon so I could be totally wrong. But I expect that my in-person reaction to it would be a slow but steady scan from horizon to horizon, a small ooooo and aaahh, and then I'd be ready to move on. Look at your description notes. You want to string a few of these together to demonstrate the theme and general motif. You don't need 100 words on each piece of equipment. The hardest part of writing this description is leaving things out. This is a thematic highlight reel. The length depends on how large the rest of the description is. 
   3. The FLAG
      You've gotten their attention and painted the background. Now it's time to pick what you want the IMMs to remember and plant your flag in the ground. Pick a memorable/unique feature and spend several lines breathing some life into it to ensure it's memorable. Not much to say. Pick the most memorable feature and ensure it's memorable.
      The Flag and the Secret are not mandatory on their own. But you need at least 1 of them.
   4. Our LITTLE SECRET
      Have something left? Is it small? It sounds like you have the ingredients for an Our Little Secret closing. If you're talking about something large, it would have already been noticed and should be described before Our Little Secret. Our Little Secret is something that was almost missed. It's hidden or small or requires some specific circumstances to be noticed. I've often used this to highlight conversation pieces: a weird scar, a family crest, a runed jewel on a necklace.
      Technically, the Flag and Our Little Secret could be the same feature. It depends on how you use it.

Example

Quote

The woman is small by human standards - no more than five feet tall. 
She's thin, too. Her bare, tan arms are slender but strong. Both 
forearms are tattooed with three solid bands - each two inches wide. 
The center band is pine green and the others are black. Stylized 
animal heads are tattooed on her shoulders - a wolf's head on the 
left shoulder and a bear's head on the right.
  
Despite her bare arms, the woman is dressed for colder climes. 
Rabbit fur boots in a myriad of grays cover her to the knee with 
woolen pants protecting the rest of her legs. A heavy cloak of 
brown fur, perhaps bear, is draped over her shoulders with a 
smaller cloak made from a gray wolf on top of it. You can still 
make out the wolf's head as it is part of the hood. A pair of 
small antlers have been added to it making it a very strange sight.
The cloak hides any equipment she has except for a pair of hilts at 
her hip. A sword and a dagger judging by the pommels.
  
With the hood pulled back, brown curls flow down to her shoulders. 
A few locks fall onto her face. But you can still see her yellow 
eyes clearly. You can also make out a third eye tattooed on her 
forehead in black. A green stripe crosses her face running cheek 
to cheek across her nose. This one is flaking - paint not ink.

The HOOK: The woman is small by human standards - no more than five feet tall. 

Not super exciting. But it, hopefully, sparked some curiosity. Odd size/wording: is she human?

The GRAND CANYON: I actually split the Grand Canyon for this description. I used the arms to set a tribal theme. Then I mention a few items with no details before the Flag. I guess I could have written it differently. But the way this flowed, the Flag (wolf cloak) was affecting other parts of the description. So some of the general description is after the Flag. When in doubt, write the description in the order you'd notice things. These are guideline for you to adjust to fit your situation.

The FLAG:

This description isn't a perfect example of the formula. The wolf cloak is the Flag as far as the formula is concerned. This description has more thematic description than many of my descriptions. But the cloak is the most unique individual feature in the description.

Our LITTLE SECRET: 

Tell me you're a werebeast who's going to become a druid without telling me you're a werebeast who's going to become a druid.

 

Oh hell, I'm behind schedule.... gotta run... I think this is complete enough to publish though. Let me know if you have any questions.

[Ulmusdorn]

@myrek I really enjoyed this. Well done - super helpful for anyone.