spiegel06 Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 Why men are happier than women: What do you expect from such simple creatures? Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours. Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be president You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood --! all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache! You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes. No wonder men are happier...... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deykari Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. Haha. Nice list. Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dizz Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. .... I'm so envious. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WarriorCleric Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. Nice list indeed. WC Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNewGuy Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 yes, I like it too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Warpnow Posted August 20, 2006 Report Share Posted August 20, 2006 On behalf of men everywhere I think its safe to say we'd be happy with, at least, some of them being stolen from us, so I have snatched the ones I don't think we'd mind women adopting. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. One mood --! all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyeSeeU Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 That right there is classic. Well done. I guess we men really do rock eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bobo Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 Why women are happier than men: Your last name stays put. - Women get the chance to change if they dont like their current The garage is all yours. - Garage is only place thats not yours Wedding plans take care of themselves. - You decide the wedding like you decide everything else Chocolate is just another snack. - This borring snack taste like a piece of heaven - and it does not make you wanna sleep with ugly people. You can be president - You COULD be a president if you just bothered. You can never be pregnant. - Cause you can be pregnant you get the kids in case of anything. Doesnt matter if youre alchoholic or a drug user. You can just leave the father and bring the kid along. He even has to pay you money each month. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. - So can you - and believe me, it will bring you a lot more attention than if I did. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. - Read above. Car mechanics tell you the truth. - Car mechanics wants you in bed. Would sure make a car repair more interesting if it was a hot women hitting on me The world is your urinal. - Cause theres never room in the toilet cause of women using avg 1 hour per visit. Same work, more pay. - Tell that to the lapdancers and prostitutes. How I would like getting paid to sleep with women Wrinkles add character. - Botox and plastic surgery looks best on women Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. - Most likely paid with shared household income. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. - But its you who walk home with the chest. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. - cause theres no more room in the car because of wifeys trunk. You can open all your own jars. - If men could use it as a way to hit on women believe me - no men could open jars either. You almost never have strap problems in public. - But theyre more embarrassing when they show. and hi all fl players - new one arrived Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deykari Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. - So can you - and believe me, it will bring you a lot more attention than if I did. Welcome to Forsaken Lands. Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EyeSeeU Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 yes indeed, a many of salutations to you newcomer. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lethereal Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 Your last name stays put. ~Change is more fun The garage is all yours. ~Who wants that icky ol’ dark garage anyway? Wedding plans take care of themselves. ~It’s easy to do for us because we start when we’re 5. Chocolate is just another snack. ~That’s like someone saying an orgasm is just ho-hum. You can be president ~So can we. You can never be pregnant. ~Men would complain WAY too much if they could get pregnant and the rate of murder would be on the rise. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. ~So can we You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. ~Depending on the water park, so can we Car mechanics tell you the truth. ~This is why men are supposed to take care of car stuff for their women. The world is your urinal. ~OK, I admit it, you’re lucky for this one…but girls don’t do that kind of thing anyway so it doesn’t matter. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. ~You should, some of those are just foul to even walk into! You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. ~Righty tighty, lefty loosey, baby. Right? Same work, more pay. ~Great lawsuit. Wrinkles add character. ~Blast! You got me on another one… Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. ~We are the center of attention on that day – we SHOULD spend that much! People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. ~I don’t know if I agree with this – I’ve seen guys with bigger breasts than most women have…And they get just about as many looks The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. ~Um…ew… Besides, girls don’t do those kinds of things. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. ~Yeah, but your shoes aren’t cute! One mood --! all the time. ~Boooring! Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ~How can you gossip in only 30 seconds?! You know stuff about tanks. ~Like gas tanks? A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. ~I can pack one suitcase too…but I did discover airports charge a $25 overweight limit fee for excessively packed suitcases… You can open all your own jars. ~Men need women to find things, we need men to open jars – fair trade. You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. ~*wistful sigh* So true… Like this one time… If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. ~Yeah, but who wants them for a friend anyway… Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. ~That’s because there’s so much fabric. The less fabric there is the more expensive – that makes perfect sense to me. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. ~Insanity… You almost never have strap problems in public. ~Hrm…OK, you got me on this one too… You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes. ~I see them and chose to ignore them… Everything on your face stays its original color. ~Boooooring! The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. ~Boooring! You only have to shave your face and neck. ~We don’t have to shave every day. You can play with toys all your life. ~Girls get to play with toys too, just a different kind… Your belly usually hides your big hips. ~Ew One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. ~Total lack of imagination. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. ~Some women do this too… You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. ~That’s why we pay to have our nails done… You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache! ~After menopause so do we. You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes. ~Yeah, but will everyone like all the gifts you got them? No wonder men are happier...... ~Because they have women. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Deykari Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 You can play with toys all your life. ~Girls get to play with toys too, just a different kind… Any self-respecting human should know that's true: Men get G.I. Joe and Women get Barbie. Dey Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Iusedtobesomebody Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 if only the wedding plans would take care of themselves.... i got a list of "things to do". *sigh* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crypticant Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 Your last name stays put. ~Change is more fun -> More fun, like, having to get a new driver's license, credit cards, bank statement, social security card, library card... The garage is all yours. ~Who wants that icky ol’ dark garage anyway? -> Who doesn't?! Wedding plans take care of themselves. ~It’s easy to do for us because we start when we’re 5. -> So, you ready to renew the vows, hon? I'll let you handle the planning... Chocolate is just another snack. ~That’s like someone saying an orgasm is just ho-hum. -> Food != Orgasm You can be president ~So can we. -> In theory. You can never be pregnant. ~Men would complain WAY too much if they could get pregnant and the rate of murder would be on the rise. -> True. But it would keep the population down. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. ~So can we -> Over my dead body. You can wear NO T-shirt to a water park. ~Depending on the water park, so can we -> See above. Car mechanics tell you the truth. ~This is why men are supposed to take care of car stuff for their women. -> Ah yes. The world is your urinal. ~OK, I admit it, you’re lucky for this one…but girls don’t do that kind of thing anyway so it doesn’t matter. -> Heh, I assure you, women do this kind of thing. I think my daughter urinates more than my dog. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. ~You should, some of those are just foul to even walk into! -> As long as none of our parts touch its parts, we're fine. You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. ~Righty tighty, lefty loosey, baby. Right? -> I like how you ask for verification! But no, not always. For example, a nut on a circular saw turns the opposite way. Same work, more pay. ~Great lawsuit. -> Let's see it stick. Wedding dress $5000. Tux rental -- $100. ~We are the center of attention on that day – we SHOULD spend that much! -> Good justification. Same reason men will drop a couple of grande on a bachelor party. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them. ~I don’t know if I agree with this – I’ve seen guys with bigger breasts than most women have…And they get just about as many looks -> Looks of disgust != looks of lust. The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. ~Um…ew… Besides, girls don’t do those kinds of things. -> Once again, my daughter belches more than I do. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. ~Yeah, but your shoes aren’t cute! -> If I ever heard a guy come up and say my shoes are cute, I would punch him in the face. One mood --! all the time. ~Boooring! -> Booring > unstable Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. ~How can you gossip in only 30 seconds?! -> We can't. That's the point. You know stuff about tanks. ~Like gas tanks? -> Uh, yeah. A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. ~I can pack one suitcase too…but I did discover airports charge a $25 overweight limit fee for excessively packed suitcases… -> I should start adding that surcharge for carrying said suitcase into the airport. You can open all your own jars. ~Men need women to find things, we need men to open jars – fair trade. -> We only need you to find things because you put them in the right place. We get used to our things being in odd places. Wallet in the fridge? Makes sense to me... If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend. ~Yeah, but who wants them for a friend anyway… -> Yeah, but next time they come over, they have to bring the beer. Works out well. Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. ~That’s because there’s so much fabric. The less fabric there is the more expensive – that makes perfect sense to me. -> Interesting logic. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. ~Insanity… -> Yeah, like what our closet is. Everything on your face stays its original color. ~Boooooring! -> Yes, but it takes us 5 minutes to get ready in the morning. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. ~Boooring! -> See above. You only have to shave your face and neck. ~We don’t have to shave every day. -> Neither do we. Fortunately for us, the "scruffy" look is in, and has been for some time. You can play with toys all your life. ~Girls get to play with toys too, just a different kind… -> You don't need any toys, honey. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. ~Total lack of imagination. -> Total time saved to dress: 45 minutes/day. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. ~Some women do this too… -> Yes, scary. You can "do" your nails with a pocketknife. ~That’s why we pay to have our nails done… -> Pocketknife: $15.00. Weekly manicure: A lot more. You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache! ~After menopause so do we. -> *shiver* You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 45 minutes. ~Yeah, but will everyone like all the gifts you got them? -> Who cares? It's the 45 minutes of thought that counts, right? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F-3000 Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 What do you expect from such simple creatures? Just what I was about to say when I saw this topic. It's so easy to be male... But even so, I'm glad we got females. And that they like animals. "Why god made women humourless? So that women would love men, instead of just laugh at them." -Plate hanging on my grandparents' house wall. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNewGuy Posted August 21, 2006 Report Share Posted August 21, 2006 So, when God had created Adam, he offered to create the woman. She would be the most beautiful, lovely, loving, caring etc he could emagine. But. It would cost Adam an arm, a leg, and an eye. Adam gave it a few seconds of careful thought, then he asked; -What will I get for a rib-bone? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aulian Posted August 22, 2006 Report Share Posted August 22, 2006 You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky. ~You should, some of those are just foul to even walk into! -> As long as none of our parts touch its parts, we're fine. Brilliance, Pure Brilliance Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brsingr Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. ~So can we -> Over my dead body. if they wanna show us their funbags, that's their choice! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiere Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 Brsingr, long time no see. And that comment was gross. Something about the phrase "funbags" makes me want to barf. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Designated_Driver Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 Funbags... Damn kids. You are your newfangled terminology. PS - (You definently don't want Crypti to catch you looking at his wife's "funbags". That man can open beer bottles... WITH HIS TEETH!) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brsingr Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 well, the... er.. "T" word seemed vulgar, so I had to put something different. Shame I didn't think of "breasts" first, eh? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheNewGuy Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 Damn kids. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Fiere Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 I prefer bosoms, or "chest". And at the same time, I cannot believe I'm actually talking about this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brsingr Posted August 27, 2006 Report Share Posted August 27, 2006 I prefer bosoms' date=' or "chest". And at the same time, I cannot believe I'm actually talking about this.[/quote'] lol Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Baby Hippo Posted August 28, 2006 Report Share Posted August 28, 2006 Funbags... Damn kids. You are your newfangled terminology. PS - (You definently don't want Crypti to catch you looking at his wife's "funbags". That man can open beer bottles... WITH HIS TEETH!) Teeth that's nothing, I can open beer bottles with my belly button! -Give a Mexican a beer and no way to open it, I guarentee you he will find a way. - I have seen one use a thin rock and bend the top off Funniest one ever, he went to a girl with a belt on and grabbed her by the waist threw the top in between the buckle and pssst top popped off. (he kissed her afterwards) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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