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Honors Program Essay

Evangelion

By Evangelion
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Evangelion Newbie

Evangelion

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I was wondering if I could get some feedback/proofreading on my essay for the Honors Program at JMU.

Honors Scholar Essay Question

For students applying to the Honors Program by January 15, 2007, please write a 250-300 word essay in response to the following question.

Reading

Preamble to the U.S. Constitution

We the people of the United States, in order to form a more perfect union, establish justice, insure domestic tranquility, provide for the common defense, promote the general welfare, and secure the blessings of liberty to ourselves and our posterity, do ordain and establish this Constitution for the United States of America.

Question: To what extent has the “more perfect union” as imagined in the preamble of the U.S. Constitution been accomplished? Identify a specific example from contemporary society to make your argument.

In order to form a more perfect union… that is what our forefathers ordained as the mission of our country’s people, past, present, and future. Our country has existed for two hundred years, give or take a few decades. That is merely a blink of the eye in the history of mankind, a mote of dust in the history of the Earth, and a microscopic speck in the history of the known universe. However, it is our microscopic speck, and the men and women who fought and died to give it to us left us a quest, and the means to fulfill it. Throughout the years since the founding of the United States, there have been a number of complications that could have destroyed any other growing nation. From the very beginning when we declared our independence, knowing it would mean war with the most powerful force in the world, we have set ourselves up for failure – and succeeded anyway. In a heated civil war, in which men fought against family and friend, we nearly tore ourselves apart – but in the end we remained whole, proving that bigotry and slavery cannot overcome equality and an open mind. In the two greatest wars men have ever seen, encompassing the entire world, we have fought to uphold the tenets of democracy and freedom. In a war, not of guns and bombs, but of hearts and minds, we have fought against prejudice and discrimination. In a number of military operations, we have fought to secure the blessings of liberty for our fellow man across the globe. What has America done to form a more perfect union? Americans have stood up and fought, not to impress our beliefs on any other people, but to give them the freedom to decide for themselves what they will believe. In making our country an example for the rest of the world, and in taking strides to enable other countries to follow that example, we have begun to form a more perfect union – a union that encompasses every man, woman, and child in the world.

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Lailanni Newbie

Lailanni

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Oh, he knows I'm only kidding. I just love banter. It's sort of like a British culture thing, where you're all allowed to incessently rip the hell out of your friends. :D

Dey

That's not just a British culture thing. We do that here too. I think it's probably safe to say it's a world thing.

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Deykari Newbie

Deykari

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Yeah, I sort of assumed that was the case but I felt the need to say that to cover my own back as an excuse for poking fun at people. You can't really tell the tone/way inwhich something is meant to be delivered when it's just text, and the last thing I'd want is for someone to be think I was actually being serious when I make comments. ;)

And with this explanation, and stupid smiley on my other post, I've totally taken the edge off of my comment. Great work, Dey.

Dey

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Chayesh Newbie

Chayesh

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Personally, I would have alluded to the concept of the "more perfect union" being a consolidation of a strong single representative federal government as opposed to the loose confederation of state governments bound together under the Constitution's predecessor, the well-intentioned yet flawed "Articles of Confederation". The Constitution stated its intention in forming one nation of individual states (the more perfect union) rather than an allied grouping of independent "nation" states as they were prior to the Constitution's ratification. The ascendancy of Federal power as higher than the states' in some matters and the states' relinquishing of certain rights in others to better insure cohesive strength is the thrust of concept of the more perfect union. This consolidation of power at the Federal level was necessary, some argued, to protect the nation from despots and factions that might arise, as in common in pure democracies; essentially mob rule. By creating this strong Federal entity, a "more perfect" union was created in that a Federal Republic of States has more balanced power base and the effect of factions was essentially disspelled through the ranks of the government. (Good read on this very issue, Federalist #10 from the Federalist Papers...author? James Madison, if I'm not mistaken)

Or some stuff like that...;)

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Evangelion Newbie

Evangelion

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Personally, I would have alluded to the concept of the "more perfect union" being a consolidation of a strong single representative federal government as opposed to the loose confederation of state governments bound together under the Constitution's predecessor, the well-intentioned yet flawed "Articles of Confederation". The Constitution stated its intention in forming one nation of individual states (the more perfect union) rather than an allied grouping of independent "nation" states as they were prior to the Constitution's ratification. The ascendancy of Federal power as higher than the states' in some matters and the states' relinquishing of certain rights in others to better insure cohesive strength is the thrust of concept of the more perfect union. This consolidation of power at the Federal level was necessary, some argued, to protect the nation from despots and factions that might arise, as in common in pure democracies; essentially mob rule. By creating this strong Federal entity, a "more perfect" union was created in that a Federal Republic of States has more balanced power base and the effect of factions was essentially disspelled through the ranks of the government. (Good read on this very issue, Federalist #10 from the Federalist Papers...author? James Madison, if I'm not mistaken)

Or some stuff like that...;)

Gee, I'm really glad you posted now.

Now that I've mailed the thing. Bugger.:rolleyes:

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Evangelion Newbie

Evangelion

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Just be very glad I'm not competing against you. :cool:

Plus, that's the idea...you're supposed to already know in order to get in, right? ;)

No. You're supposed to have lots of money, good grades, and a desire to kiss ***. I only lack one of the three, and I can assure you that if ever there was such a thing, I am an intellectual brown-noser.

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Goomf Newbie

Goomf

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Nice writing. Unfortunately, nice writing does not merit being influential or deep. The people who read your essays know what BS is and what BS isn't. Your 'microscopic speck' or whatever is just a bunch of BS to fill in the spaces.

In the future, try to put more substance. Don't put in unnecessary words. I know that's what they teach you in high school...heck I used to do that. But you need more substance.

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