Read and review

[wolfeman]

I've been debating for a day or two as to whether or not I should put this up, but I eventually decided that I wanted someone to read it, so here it is. I got the idea from a scene of Battlestar Galactica. I used carriage returns to show paragraphs, and two to show scene change. Be aware, there are notes at the end.

Arvis was being pursued. Pursued by enemy spacecraft. They were pursuing him through the dust cloud around Harvest.

This was originally supposed to be a brilliant gambit designed to draw out the enemy so Arvis could lead them to his wingmen, who would tear them up at their pleasure. That was the plan. All that changed when a bandit appeared out of the black and scragged Siren before fading back again. Now everything was in disarray, Arvis's wing had bugged out, throwing him under the proverbial bus as he tried to get back to the Leonidas on his own.

Arvis Carelli, call sign Zipper, jumped between rocks as weapons fire splashed on everything except his Falcon. In the time since the mission had gone south, Arvis's afterburner had burned out. It was really fried from the look of it, since it still hadn't started recharging after the usual thirty second delay. As if that news wasn't good enough, the thrusters were starting to redline, too.

“Screw this!” Arvis shouted as he slammed his fist down on one of the more durable parts of the console. Suddenly, an insight flashed through his mind. He grabbed the throttle and pulled it back toward him. “You want to take me, huh? All right, but you ain't doing it clean!”

Taking hold of the flight control stick, he wrenched it forward and then to the right as he pressed a sequence of buttons, accomplishing two things. First, it halted all forward momentum, and secondly, it brought the Falcon about in a way that would minimize him as a target.

He pushed the throttle to the max; he then began to take aim as the engines roared to life. He began firing a moment before the first target entered the reticle. He'd already destroyed one of the fighters before the first shot clipped his left wing. A split second later, two more rounds tore through the right wing. Two down, one to go. The last fighter got a lucky shot through Arvis's cockpit, severing his control over steering.

As the Falcon flew past, the enemy whipped around and blew out his engine. The resulting explosion consumed the small ship in a fireball.

Arvis awoke with a gasp from the electrical current that was sent through his body. Arvis looked around and found himself in a hospital bed, wired up to several machines. His muscles burned from the shock as his mind raged from the memories. He wanted to get up and punch the wall, but found himself strapped down. Instead, he screamed at the ceiling, startling the nurse who was attending to him.

“Dead and back, Lieutenant,” she said, injecting him with a sedative, “Dead and back.”

First, I really hate the character's first name, the problem is, it works really well, so I don't think I can change it. Tell you what, if you don't like it, give me some ideas of what to use instead.

Second, the ship he's in is called a Falcon. Have you ever seen any of those pictures where a raptor is swooping down, wings spread, legs outstretched, to take hold of whatever's unfortunate enough to be in its path? That's what a Falcon looks like, the cockpit is in front of and beneath the wings. Power comes from behind the cockpit, thrust is from an engine on each wing.

Third note is for the fans of the 'it was all a dream' style of writing. I hate to dissapoint, but it all really happens, and it is what it seems.

Finally, which do you think would be a better name for a girl, Saffron or Kiera?