Greatest Feast Ever

One'day, while me crew an'I ere lookin' fer our next meal, we happen'ed along a'lil blue house wita wonderful smell comin' from it. Followin'er noses we went inside'ta find a'lil ol'man an'two lil'ol gnomers, one wit a ponytail, one totally bald. Da'man we recernized as da'famus sandwich maka' Mr. Nollymoo.

"Hello, thar!" Da'lil ol man said cheerfully. "Are you hungry?" Me motely crew an'me shook'er heads yes. "Well" he said. "Yer in luck! I happen'ta be makin'da greatest feast of em all! "Wha'kind er feast, sah?" we asked.

"What kind'da'ya like?"

"Well we want pig roast'an grapes, an dos'lil cakes, an icewine! Ohh yes!"

"Den'tats what it is. What's special'is dis feast reflects wha'kind o people ya'are. It's not finished yet, come back soon!"

He then gave us'a magnificent description'o wha'da feast was ta look like. Me an'da crew were impressed an'agreed ta'visit da followin' day. We stayed a'wake all night just'ta think'o tha' feast that awaited us. Me'crew and me, hungry from'not eatin'da oudder day returned to'da lil'blue house ta'find Mr. Nollymoo an'his trolls still a'werkin'.

"It's not quite finished'et, we still have issues'ta werk out. Come back tommerow. Oh, an'eres what'da newer version o'da feast looks like." We listen'd ta'Mr. Nollymoo describe'da feast. It was smaller an'not glowin' as much as'da oudder description. A lil'discourage'd but still 'ungry, we went back'ta da ship.

Each day fer'forty days we returned to'da lil'blue house, only ta find Mr. Nollymoo a'werk.

"Come back later." he would say, "Wer'nearly finishe'd."

Mr. Nollymoo gave us'a updated description every'day, an'each time it'appeared less'lustrous an'tantalizin' dan'de last. Every'so ofen, a'part o'da feast would vanish from'wha he said'da day afore. First'da cakes lost'der frostin', den'da wine was change'd ta ale, an'afentually some'o da ham went away. Still temptin' but no longer magical, da "greatest feast ever" was startin'ta look like an'ordinary feast. One day when me'crew came'ta da house, Mr. Nollymoo said he'ad a'surprise fer us. When we listen'd der'were now two pigs! A few'days later, however, it was back ta'one.

On'da fortieth day, we crawled ta'do lil'blue house, achin' from'da 'unger, an'begge'd Mr. Nollymoo fer'da feast he promised us.

"Not quite yet," he replied, "but we're really gettin'close, we just need ta'polish it'up a'lil. But it will'definitely ba'done sometime dis week."

As we crawled away he called'ta us "Hey, da'ya like vegetables?!" "No!," we'all shouted.

"Oh, Well we'd like'ta have some vegetables'fer da feast fer'you." We groaned, an'complained but he ignored us. Ten days later, emaciated an'dyin'o 'unger, we dragged er'selves ta'da lil'blue house one final time.

We were greet'd warmly by Mr. Nollymoo.

"Welcome!" he said. "Yer feast is ready!"

Gaspin' an'beggin' fer him'ta give us'er feast he told me an'da crew it was'back at'er ship waitin'. We sprinted back ta'find da two gnomers holdin' an enormous platter.

"Bring'er ta'da galley!" I barked at'em. Dey set it on'a table an'left witout a word.

Me'crew tossed'da lid to'da floor an'dove at'da feast. Da'feast was large an'tasty, an despite'da vegetables an'lack of some'o da original meats, it was'a great feast. Once done we'all dey all went'ta sleep an'me ta'me capn's quarters. Da'next day I woke ta'a rumblin'in me belly.

"I'm 'ungry," I thought.

-Courtesy of Adaehan Kildeer